Tuesday, April 9, 2013

10 Kinds of Bus People

Hi my loves!

So I'm sure you all know by now that I commute to (and from) work every day by bus, and I don't like it at all. Since moving to Vancouver two years ago, I have noticed that there are some very weird interesting people that take public transportation.

Luckily, when commuting to work in the morning, I share the bus with normal people that are on their way downtown to go to work. Because of this, my morning commute is typically uneventful. However, on my commute home - I get to deal with many, many, many interesting people.

For example, yesterday, on my bus ride home - a normal looking man sat beside me. All is fine and dandy, I'm listening to my music and bobbing my head to the sweet sounds of Sir Justin Timerlake. Home-boy to my right decides that he's tired, and falls asleep... on my shoulder. I didn't know what to do, or what normal protocol would be in this situation, so I just let him sleep. Except it was ALL KINDS OF AWKWARD when I had to get off the bus and he was still sleeping. I slowly stood up and tried to think thin suck in and squeeze past him. Just so you can all experience this fantastic visual: he woke up when my butt was IN HIS FACE. I think he said 'whoa', and he was definitely startled. Sorry buddy, I've got junk in the trunk. Also, I wouldn't have put it in your face if you wouldn't have fallen asleep ON MY SHOULDER. So really, sorry I'm not sorry...

The guy should be thankful that I didn't do this to him!
Sorry Mom! I thought this was funny...

So... since I have to experience said interesting people on a daily basis, I have started to analyze the different types of bus people. Therefore, you all get to read my list of 10 kinds of bus people.

Disclaimer: I mean no offense by any of these 'types' of people. If any of these pertain to you... maybe you should not do these kinds of things on the bus anymore, okay?
If you're easily offended, you should probably stop reading now.

  • One. The Sleeper - This is actually a common one. There is always at least one person asleep on the bus. Usually it's more like 2-3 people. However, if you want to sleep, please do not SNORE, flail your arms around, or sleep on the person next to you. It's just courteous.
  • Two. The Homeless Person - At any given time, no matter if it's 6:00am or 6:00pm, there is always a homeless person on my bus. This is 100% fine - except when I'm half asleep, the last thing I want to do is answer 1,000 creepy questions about my iPhone. Sorry homeless man, I'm sure you're nice - but now I'm paranoid that you're going to mug me.
  • Three. The Creeper - This one is pretty self-explanatory. Nobody likes a creeper, ever. But especially not in a tin box on wheels on the bus. We're in a confined space and it's already an uncomfortable experience (because the bus is most likely packed). I won't go in to great detail, because it's super creepy - but basically I had a man on my bus every day for over a month who would stare at me (or any girls on the bus) and touch himself. I haven't seen him in 6+ months, thank goodness.
  • Four. The Starer - Okay, so I don't think 'starer' is a word, oh well. To people that love to stare, just stop. Stare out the window, stare at your feet, bring a book and stare at that... but PLEASE for goodness sake, do not stare at me.
  • Five. The Talker - This can happen anywhere: planes, trains, and any various automobiles. However, when I've got my headphones in my ears and I'm visibly dancing, reading a book, or doing ANYTHING - I'd like to stay uninterrupted. Honestly (unless you're an adorable senior citizen or hot guy), I don't want to talk to you about your cat, the weather, last nights Canucks game, or the traffic that we're currently stuck in. I can appreciate the fact that you're 'bored' and you're trying to make conversation, but I am NOT bored. I provide entertainment for my bus ride every day. Maybe you should try bringing a coloring book if you don't want to listen to music or read...
  • Six. The Seat Hogger - Alright guys, we all would like to have our 'space' when we're on the bus. But if the bus is packed and you're occupying one seat for your butt and one seat for your purse/bag/back-pack/satchel/man-purse, I probably HATE you.
  • Seven. The Teen Girls - Teenage girls are annoying, we all know this. But when you have a group of 4-5 teenage girls all talking loudly about the crap super important stuff that happened at school that day, you basically wish that you were deaf. Especially when you have to listen to conversations like this: 'Like OMG Karen, I can't believe that Samantha gave Jason her phone number when you were clearly in to him first!'. Dear teenage girls, please shut up. I honestly couldn't care less if Lisa wore the same shirt three days in a row. I just worked 8-9 hours and I just want to get home, in peace and QUIET. I'm sorry that the test you had in fourth period was the 'worst moment of your life', you'll get over it and you won't even remember it in 6 months.
  • Eight. The Door Blocker - We're all anxious to get off the bus, guys, but please do not block our only exit. Especially if you're wearing a back-pack or you have 5,000 bags from your grocery shopping trip. I'm pretty sure that this is a safety hazard, and I don't want to die. When the bus is packed, it's understandable that people need to stand in any 'available' space. However, if there are still seats available, please do not stand in the middle of the doorway - we would all greatly appreciate this.
  • Nine. The Cellphone Talker - Texting is 100% acceptable. Actually, I would even encourage texting on the bus because it'll keep you from being one of the people I've listed above. However, talking on your phone is not as acceptable. If you're quiet, and not bothering people around you - that's fine. If you're someone who feels the need to YELL everything to the person on the other end of the phone (it's not a tin can attached to a string, you can talk normally), then you need to wait until you're off the bus to engage in these super riveting conversations. Thanks to these delightful 'cellphone talkers' I've had the pleasure of hearing everything: office drama, break-ups, grocery shopping lists, BFF fights, every day nonsense, and results from doctors offices.
  • Ten. The Dirt Bags - (You can thank my roommate for this one).Okay, so I wasn't going to be this mean.. but come on people. This one is all about the B.O. 'nough said.

Like I said at the beginning of this post - if you're offended by this post, I'm sorry.
Kind of.


Lisette said...

Haha this was funny. I grew up in NYC and I know all too well what this is like. If you're in the subway, multiply this by 50 when you're in a jerky subway car.

Staci said...

People who talk on the phone in enclosed spaces deserve a slow painful death.

Just Dont Tell Anyone said...

ohh.. I hate public transport as well. It always remind me how stupid is humanity these days. Anyway! funny image though! made me laugh so loudly! :)

Jennifer Volcy said...

lmao this is so true !! definitely on toronto transit at least