Thursday, June 27, 2013

Sometimes we all fall through decks, amirite?

Oh hi there, blog.
Sorry that I didn't show up to the party yesterday, but I voted for going out with friends on Tuesday night instead of writing a blog. Lame, I know.

If you read my blog title, you might be wondering WTF I'm talking about, so lets just get straight to the point.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

This one time, I fell through a deck. I'd like to think that it doesn't have anything to do with my weight - because I was a lot younger and smaller when this happened... but I'm sure that my weight probably played a slight factor.

The year was probably 1997, and our parents forced us to go visit friends of theirs one evening. I think that Christian and I lasted a whole five minutes of boring adult conversations. Once we hit our 'max' limit of boring intake, we were bouncing off the walls trying to entertain ourselves. Mom and dad were less than impressed and banished us to the great outdoors.

The owners of the house felt slightly bad for us (I think) so they told us we could go hang out on their back deck. We went outside and did what we were best at - making up random games. We found this spot over in the corner of the deck that was 'softer' than the rest of the deck... of course this piqued our interest. We couldn't leave this spot alone, even if we tried - and we didn't try. We each took turns poking and prodding this spot. Christian took the first shot at lightly putting some weight on the spot and we noticed that it was 'bouncy' like a trampoline. I'm sure you can tell where this is going. We took turns playing with this soft spot (no idea WTF is wrong with us).

After bouncing up and down on the spot for 10 minutes...

I fell through.

{ Source }

Now to paint this picture, hopefully as well as Bob Ross, for all of you: this deck was probably 10-15 feet in the air, which is basically 30,000 feet when you're 9. I didn't fall all the way through and hit the ground, which probably would have been better. No, I fell and got stuck. Queue the extreme panic from both Christian and I. For a fleeting moment, we thought that Christian could casually pull me out of the hole and we could pretend like the massive gaping hole was always there. Ha. Such naive children.

After one or two pathetic attempts to try and pull me free, I start to PANIC. Like 'OMGZZZ I'M STUCK' kind of freak out. I screamed for mom and dad and Christian ran inside to grab them. They came running outside, along with the owners of the house, to find me casually chilling in the new hole that I had created.

{ Source }

This was the look on mom's face when she saw me stuck in the hole.

I vaguely remember dad wanting to laugh but keeping a stern look on his face the entire time. I'm pretty sure that mom and dad have never been so embarrassed in their entire lives. How do you apologize to someone after your daughter falls through their deck? After I saw "the look" from my parents, I thought I was going to be in the biggest trouble of my entire life, so I handled the situation with such grace, as 9 year olds typically do. I laid on the waterworks and tried to make the homeowners feel bad for letting me fall through their totally unsafe deck.
I was a jerk, I know.

At the end of the day, they got me out of the hole. I hung my head in shame and my parents took us home.
I still, to this day, feel terrible that I ruined their deck. But, I can proudly say that it had been 16 solid years without a deck incident. Here's to hoping that I make it another 16 years...

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


Kate Mitchell said...

You have the best stories. Hands down.


Venus Trapped In Mars said...

There are so many emotions going through my head right now for you. Why would you parents be upset, it is CLEAR that deck was not up to code, like, at all.

Brittany Lea said...

Seriously Faith you have the best stories! One could think they have a good one then you come along and theirs is crap!


Stephanie said...

HAHAHA!! Whoops!!

B Dav said...

That is hilarious!!!
Did you get any splinters?

Leah said...

No shit, I actually had a conversation about falling through decks yesterday. I personally have falled through a deck - I was happily dancing away at a friends party and a rotten deck-board gave way(alcohol may have been involved. I was sharing this story with a friend - who then piped up about the first time her boyfriend met her parents. He walked out onto their deck at their beach house, stood on a board that gave way, fell and got stuck - like you! The worst thing is that he mother then came running with a bottle of oil and tried to "lube him up" (her words!) to get his legs out. Errr. AWKWARD!!

Oh...and then there was that time that my boyfriend was in Australia - and with the different accents he started telling a story about how he fell asleep on his friends deck (d*ck). The Aussie's kept him going for ages asking him "was it hard?" "how long was it" "wasn't it painful" about the deck (d*ck).

Ohhh deck stories...gotta love em!

Leah said...

and by "falled through a deck" I clearly mean fallen. I did not suffer any brain damage. Much.