Tuesday, June 25, 2013

How to write a post in 3 minutes and 25 seconds

Today, I'm stealing a chapter out of Staci's book blog. If you're unfamiliar with Staci's hilarious blog, I'm referencing this post: Middle School Staci.

A few weeks ago when I was putting together my Father's Day post, I had to log-in to my old Livejournal account to search for pictures. This led to me perusing old entries for probably two or three hours. Amanda and I laughed at every stupid entry I ever wrote, and died when we saw the pictures.

Amanda, I apologize for posting these horrible pictures... just know that you're 100x prettier now.

I'm going to share an entry that 16 year-old Faith wrote, and literally post it word-for-word. But don't worry, I will add my comments throughout the entry.

Seriously, don't judge me too harshly.. I was 16. Never mind, judge away - 16 year-old Faith was an idiot.
Side note: This is the exact format of my post. I'm not changing a thing.

Everyone, meet Faith. I hope you like her super awesome crimped hair.


Alright, well this will just be a quick update, that I will type in about 3 minutes and 25 seconds.. okay here i go..
Ready.. Set.. GO !!

Wow Faith, 3 minutes and 25 seconds? You're a super fast writer, and this makes you SUPER cool.

Okay, so the past week, has been totally crazy insane, basically because one of my teachers (Cooper - I have him for Two Classes.. Pre-cal, and Chemistry) decided to have a test next week, in BOTH of those damn classes, ugh !! So I've been trying to learn everything that I don't understand and manage a way to do my homework for each of those classes every night, then yesterday he gave us an assignment, in BOTH classes, yet again that are both due Monday, and my Chem test is Tuesday, Pre-Cal test on Thursday..
kill me now ;\

Super cool emoticon face, Faith. Also, I love your use of run-on sentences. You really know how to articulate your frustration...

Then my bio teacher.. Burgess.. gave us a 2000 word essay due for him in like two weeks, and he gave us this whole massive lab on Thursday, and that's due.. guess when.. just guess ?? MONDAY for eff sakes.. I wish teachers would lay off the MONDAY STUFF. ugh !! So I've got to write that whole thing, then type it up and make sure it meets the qualifications. Meanwhile I have homework every night, and I worked Tuesday night, and last night - and omg last night was SO BUSY at work, drove me nuts, and I had to work an hour overtime, which I possibly won't get paid for .. lovely, eh?

Faith, why are you soooooooo dramatic? Seriously? A sentence that runs on for three whole lines? You think this is acceptable because you 'strategically' place commas throughout the sentence? Homegirl, it's not working. Lay off the sauce.
I'm not sure how you managed to get 98% as your final mark in English.

I also work tomorrow 12-8pm, and on sunday 10-4.. like omg, when in the hell am I supposed to do my two assignments, my lab, and study? I work 14 damn hours of my weekend, that leaves me with 4-midnight on sunday to do EVERYTHING.

Maybe, just maybe, and call me crazy if I'm wrong... but you should just GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND DO YOUR ASSIGNMENTS RIGHT NOW.
This ain't rocket science. Just saying.

So there you have it - this is why I'm Stressing HARDCORE. SO before I shoot myself I need to just relax, which is why I'm going out in 11 minutes with the girls, and we're going to go to the movies, because God knows I need a massive BREATHER.

Okay, so let me get this straight. You go on, and on, and onnnn about how stressed you are from all of this work that you need to do. But, for SOME REASON you think it's a good idea to go to the movies with your friends because 'God knows you need a massive breather'?
Where are your lady-balls, Faith? Man the eff up and get your crap done. You'll be pleased to know that this 'whiny-ness' is just a phase. I think.

-sigh- okay, there you have it.. my busy life
Bet you 5 bucks, you're glad you're not me right now

Actually, I bet you $5,000 that I never want to be 16 again...

and okay I lied.. I went over my three minutes and 25 seconds, this took my 4 minutes and 55 seconds, I suck =(

*GASP* Faith, you are the worst.
FOUR MINUTES AND 55 SECONDS? You are a disgrace and you shouldn't have even bothered hitting publish on this post.


There you have it, 16 year old Faith. She is quite delightful. Amanda and I laughed at how complete stupid she was.
But hey, at least she was A LOT nicer than 14 year old Faith, and 15 year old Faith. Just take my word for it...
They were jerks.

Since I'm sure you're all dying to see some pictures of teenage Faith, I won't delay the amazingness any longer.

I probably loved this vest more than I'll love my future husband. I stole it from my friends dad and kept it for years. I partied with this vest, took it camping, took it on road trips, and it's actually still at my parents house. So many good memories with this stupid construction vest.

I don't even know...

See that sweet cooler in my back seat? Amanda used that as an overnight bag for sleepovers at my house.
She's a classy broad.

We're the three best friends that anyone could have...

You're welcome.
p.s. I hope you all still come back to my blog tomorrow, I promise that 24 year old Faith will be back.


Rachel said...

I love reading everyone's dramatic posts from middle/high school. I'm jealous I didn't have a Live Journal account. Whhhaa! ;)

Kate Mitchell said...

Hahaha LOVED reading this post. Goodness knows that I was equally dramatic at 16. Thanks for sharing!


Jessica said...

haha this post was great!

Jay T said...

Hahahahahahaha. This was a fantastic idea. I'm pretty sure I thought my life was ending when I was 16.

Paulina @ Discovering Simply ME said...

this was awesome. I am dying over here!

Unknown said...
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Jess Elyse said...

Oh man, LiveJournal. I wonder if I can still log into mine?

This was great. I'm pretty sure we all had posts like this one.


Marisa H. said...

hahahaha you are a brave soul! I would never revisit myself at 16... it would be a little scary. Love this post :)


Katherine - Real Food Runner said...

great post!