Thursday, May 16, 2013

Writing Anonymous Letters is my Hidden Talent...

I've decided to start something new.. I thought of this about 20 seconds ago and I'm just going to go with it.
This is going to be a series. Whenever I feel like it, I'm going to write various letters to People/Places/Things/Whatever...
Remember - this is totally anonymous. Anyway, lets get to today's letter.

Anonymous Letters [Part I}

Dear Anonymous person who closely resembles my landlord (but who isn't my landlord because this is anonymous),

You're ridiculously fit, we get it. Cool story, bro. Your entire family is ridiculously fit - also cool. The thing is that you need to lay off of the cardio and stick to the weights for a little while. Okay, don't cut out cardio all together... but I could REALLY do with you cutting out the whole 'Twenty minutes of running up and down the stairs'. It got old after the two-minute mark. While I 100% support the fact that you're living a healthy lifestyle, I don't necessarily enjoy listening to it for twenty minutes. Please don't take offence to this, but I'm sorry I'm not sorry for this letter.

Which brings me to point number two. This one I could definitely do without. You're a manly man, awesome. I know that you like to fix things. I'm sure your wife loves this and it's an awesome way to help around the house. However, you have two lovely twenty-something year olds living below you. Please, for Pete's sake, do not 'hammer' something for the better part of an hour. Oh, how I wish this was an exaggeration. I actually got so annoyed at one point, and I texted my friend Sarah to complain. As I was finding her name in my contacts list, to text her, I remembered something. One afternoon, Sarah and I decided to do an 'arts and crafts' project. I won't go into detail, but we basically hammered nails into a board for over an hour. She lives in an apartment building. I'm pretty sure that her neighbors (and people who live below her) wanted to murder us.

So you see, I'm kind of stuck at a crossroad here. While I would love to get angry with you, my dear sweet anonymous non-landlord type person, I simply cannot.

Please just don't do either of these things ever again and we'll be cool. Capiche?

Signed --


Stephanie said...

Wow, that would be super annoying!

Kristin said...

Haha, I love this idea. This is hilarious!!


Trevor Reed said...

Usually, you go to the landlord to make a complaint about a neighbor causing a disturbance but where do you go when it's the landlord's disturbances that you want to complain about? Seems like a simple question but it does make you think. I'd hope he was nice and easy to talk to, and maybe make a subtle suggestion. Haha! -Trevor Reed @ Comfield Management Services