I guess I got my swagger back

Happy hump day (my favorite day of the week).


Tonight I'm seeing Jay-Z and JT, and I couldn't be more excited.
Time to get my swag on.

I had originally planned on doing a full vacation recap post today, but last night I ended up going out instead of writing a post. The funny thing about having a roommate (who is your best friend) is that every night is a sleepover. Last night, we opted to head out to a few bars just to chill vs. staying home.

While we were at the bar, we overheard a group of guys talking and laughing about a "portrait" that a homeless man drew of them an hour beforehand. He drew it on a piece of cardboard and they were passing it around and laughing at it. The thing is that I once had the same man draw a "portrait" of me, because I couldn't say no.

I was shopping with two of my friends one day, just wandering around Gastown, when this homeless man approached me and told me that I had a beautiful scarf. I thanked him and he quickly started drawing on a piece of cardboard. I had no idea what he was doing until he told me to stand still so that he could draw me. I tried to walk away, but one of my problems is that I'm a 'people pleaser' and I have a really hard time saying no. So I stood there and let him draw me, like an idiot. My friends were inside a store, watching (and laughing) at me. The issue is that I didn't have any cash on me, and when he was done drawing me, he wanted some form of payment. Luckily one of my friends had a couple of dollars on her so that we could buy my my beautiful portrait.

FYI, this happened 6-12 months ago and I still have the picture. I felt like it would be wrong to throw it out. Obviously I have to share this delightful picture with all of you, so enjoy:

I'd like to start by saying that clearly I've lost weight since the portrait was drawn.

#twinsies
It's like I'm looking in the mirror. Except of course for the fact that it's on cardboard, my hair is less tame in the drawing, and think I look less manly in real life.

I was holding up my finger to tell my friends that it would take one minute. Apparently he thought it was an essential characteristic to my portrait.

There you have it, friends. Here are my final thoughts.

Look at the way that "scarf" wraps around my neck in such a clumpy way. Beautiful.
I wore hoop earrings. I'm pretty sure they weren't that big.
I'm quite certain that my hairline doesn't come down in a 'V' shape. I could be wrong.
I have big lips. I like that he nailed that characteristic.
My eyes are big and bright. Again, he captured it perfectly.
Nailed my crooked nose. Thanks for that.
My boobs are small, he made them big. Free of charge.

Time to listen to the smooth sounds of Sir Justin Timberlake (and Mr. Jay Z) to get pumped for tonight.

Sometimes I Don't Want To Write

Oh hey blog, heyyy.

It has been a hot minute since I've been around this little blog-o'-mine, oops. Vacation kind of got in the way and work was kind of hectic. Blah, blah, blah. I won't bore you with the details.

Typically, in true lifestyle blogging form, I would blog about my weekend on a Monday (which I didn't do), and then move onto some random thought on Tuesday, and a list of randomness by Wednesday, but this week will be a bit different. Today I'm just going to share a few of my favorite pictures (that I took with my camera instead of my iPhone) while I was on vacation. Tomorrow will be a full blown recap of week-long vacation shenanigans.
Prepare for that insanity.

Anyway, today my brain is still full of struggles and I can't form proper sentences. But if I don't post, I'm pretty sure that Juliette, and Allie will hurt me. So please enjoy a few pictures of some of my family members instead of a witty post today.


My brother, Christian.






My brothers girlfriend - Ashley, cousin - Jennifer, brother - Christian, cousin - Mackenzie.
Don't worry, Farm Clem picked them up.


Isn't she stunning?


So beautiful


One of my favorite shots. My cousin, Mackenzie, rocking it.
I was obsessed with this sunshine.

Why You Should #backthatazzup in California

HAPPY MOTHER-LOVIN' FRIDAY, FRIENDS.
Sorry, I just got really excited for a hot minute. But I'm not really that excited because it means that my vacation is coming to an end.. oh well.

I have one last fabulously fantastic friend (I'm using all the F-words for Friday) who has written a guest post for all of you today. I love this girl, I just do.. and you'll quickly see why.

Juliette is SO going to hate me for this, but here is the e-mail that she sent with the guest post:

Faith. I don't know why this was so freaking hard. I mean I feel like I need three drinks to get over the stress of writing it. Just kidding, I just want three drinks. Ok fine I want five drinks. If you hate it you don't have to use it. I might get drunk and send you seven more.
This is a prime example of why I enjoy her. Okay never mind, "enjoy" sounds creepy.. Moving on.

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Hello, all of Faith's readers! I'm Juliette, and I'm usually over at The Other Juliette posting stories about how I can't flirt, the bad dates I've been on, and my obsession with googly eyes. This is me.

The lovely Faith asked me to write a guest post for her while she's off gallivanting on Canada's East Coast, so you're stuck with me today. I probably shouldn't tell you that this is the first guest post I've ever done, but oh look, here I am telling you anyway. Whoops. Let's just dive on in, ya ready? Faith told me recently that she really wants to go to California someday, and I just happen to live in California, so I'm trying to convince her to visit (move) here. So let's crank some tunes (because we're obviously linking up with Whitney and backing our azzes up) and talk about why Faith (and you!) should visit California; specifically the Central Coast.



-The beach. Duh. I love going to the beach on a Saturday morning and eating a Belgian waffle and drinking a mimosa. I mean, it's the best. Plus, in this area there isn't any traffic and you don't have to walk 5 miles to get to the water. Plus, alcohol affects you more if you're breathing salt air while you drink it. If you want proof you'll have to come here and I'll show you.

-Bubblegum Alley. It's pretty much just what it sounds like: a whole alley with chewed bubblegum covering both sides. It sounds gross, but you really need to see it. And if you love bubblegum like I do then you'll really like it. And when you come see it maybe we'll have to stick some googly eyes on some chewed up gum.

-Oprah called San Luis Obispo the happiest city in the country. Not even a lie.

-We have nine volcanic peaks. Really, they just look like hills and mountains, but they're volcanic peaks. How cool is that?

Are you convinced yet? Fine, I'll keep going.

-It's a college town so we have a lot of bars. And they're all within walking distance from each other, which is really convenient.

-I'm here. I mean, if you don't know me then this might not be a selling point, but just take Faith's word on it. I mean, she asked me to write this so she probably wants to come visit me, right?

That's all I have for now, because I think the song is ending soon. Don't worry, you'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming with Faith before you know it! But I hope you'll come visit me in my little corner of the interweb, because I'd love to see you!

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You love her, right? How could you not? Go visit her blog right now and read her hilarious posts. Especially any post about googly eyes - those are my favorite.
I'll be back on Monday for some Vacation Shenanigans!

Things Sarah Has Faith In...

Hey blog, heyyyy.

I have a ridiculously wonderfully awesome treat for you today. I have Sarah on my blog today, and let me just tell you.. I love this girl. This post is pure gold and I completely and 100% agree with everything that she has written... and I, too, have faith in these things.

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Hi faithful Faith readers!

(yes go ahead and brace yourself for a lot of that kind of annoying nonsense in this post)

I'm Sarah from Venus Trapped in Mars! You can call me Sarah, or Venus, or Maybe... any of those are fine. While Faith is gallivanting back in her home town this week, she asked me to say a few words. 

faith  

/fāTH/

Complete trust or confidence in something or someone.

So here are some things I always, and will always, have faith in...

If I don't start a diet on Monday, I may as well just binge eat for the next 7 days. Wednesday diet starters, what is that all about? If you start on Wednesday, then you are really only getting in two solid days of dieting because we all know Friday, Saturday and Sunday is a no go. So you may as well just wait until Monday. You wouldn't want to blow all of your Wednesday and Thursday progress, ya know?

Never fails. Just screaming crying. I have gotten to the point where I absolutely REFUSE to even watch the movie because it makes me so depressed for the next several hours. 

Yet they continue to get into a busy self checkout line. Why is this so difficult? Is it because it is a touch screen and not a typewriter? I assure you a typewriter is actually far more difficult to use than a touch screen. 

Step One: Scan rewards card

Step two: scan groceries

step three: place item in bagging area

Step four: pay

Why is that impossible for old people??? 

How my mind works on days I bring gym clothes to work with me, with the intention of working out. 

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour... 

I hear stories about people who give up diet coke. How? How do you do that? They said they gave it up because there are so many chemicals, it can clean rust away, it will cause cancer.....

My response, "Oh well. Pass me another"

I don't travel that frequently for work, but when I do travel it is for very long periods of time. No hotel room has Bravo, ever. It is really very sad and I panic when I don't have the real housewives. Full on panic mode. In turn, I'm forced to stay off twitter because I will be sad when people start tweeting about how nuts Gretchen is or where Vicky is peeing this time. Stupid hotel rooms. 

Now that is something I can for sure always have Faith in! Come see me will ya???? 

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The Art of Procrastination

Happy Tuesdayyyy.

Since I'm still not around blogland, because I'm off on vacation - having fun, I've got another fabulous guest blogger for you today. Patricia is one of my favorite bloggers and you'll quickly see why. I love the post that she's written for all of you today. I'll shut up and let her take it away...

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Hey Ladies! My name is Patricia, and I'm super excited to guest posting for Faith today! She's one of my favorite bloggers. I'm an American girl who studied abroad in college, fell madly in love with a man who barely spoke English my first week there, and moved to France after graduation to marry that hunk. I sound kind of corny already, don't I? I blog over at Kisses & Croissants about culture shock, making a fool of myself while speaking Franglais, and day-to-day life as a Madame!

Let's start off with a confession: I put off writing this post until the last minute. Faith's blog is awesome, and I wanted this to be just right. If you ask me, procrastination gets a bad rap. Granted, sometimes putting things off will get you into trouble, i.e. putting off your 20 page term paper until the night before it's due. Wikipedia, bull crap, and fairy dust will only get you so far friends. But for the most part, the disadvantages of procrastination have been vastly exaggerated by your high school teachers. There are some pretty solid arguments for practicing the art of procrastination a little more often in your lives. Here we go!

1. Sometimes jumping the gun, makes you look like an idiot.

I have been here more times than I would like to admit. It looks like a great deal, and if I don't buy/do/hear/touch it right now, I'll miss my chance. This is how I almost ended up with pretty purple work pants that don't go with anything - at all - in my wardrobe. They were on sale, super cheap, and only had one pair left in my size. However, I put off buying them, and my wallet is still thanking me. Good crap, who needs purple work pants? No one. Procrastination saved the day.

2. Something better might come along.

I didn't spend my money on those pants. But I did find 2 cute swimsuits on sale at H&M later that made me really, really glad I didn't blow my extremely limited budget on purple work pants. Guess how much the swimsuits were? 3€!!! That my friends is a steal.

3. Time constraints make you realize what's really important.

When you've only got a few minutes left to get your guest post to Faith, you're probably going to cut all the bull crap. There's also a good chance that your post won't end up horribly long winded. Sometimes, when I write my posts in advance. I just keep going on and on. It's embarrassing. Then I edit it, and realize that I have more things to say.

4. You get to put off doing stuff that sucks, in order to do stuff you actually like.

Obviously. This is why you're procrastinating in the first place. Writing term papers sucks. Starting early and spending three weeks obsessing over the details is not going to make it anymore fun. You should probably hang out with your friends or go to the lake instead. This sounds like terrible advice, but let me explain. You' starting your paper early so that you have plenty of time to finish it

5. Sometimes the problem solves itself, without you making any effort at all.

Sadly, Time will not write your term paper for you. However, put yourself in this scenario. You've been asked/forced to participate in a community choir, and they tell everybody that they need to wear green clogs for the performance. One of two wonderful things could happen here, if you put off buying those clogs. Maybe the performance will be canceled at the last minute, and buying those ugly green clogs would have been a waste of money. Better yet, you'll just show up the day of the performance with no clogs, people will get over it, and they'll learn not to try to force you to join the community choir next year. Problem solved.

See? Doesn't sound so bad, right? A huge thank you to Faith for giving me this opportunity! She's such a sweetheart. I'd love for you to stop on by and say hi, if you get the chance.

Ciao friends!

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Thank you so much, Patricia. I could definitely apply this entire post to my life. I'm a HUGE procrastinator in a baaaad way. I should fix this, but I'll worry about that later.. obviously.

5 Embarassing Things I Did As A Child

Happy Monday lovelies!

I'm off gallivanting in Nova Scotia all week. As a result, I won't be around these blog parts but I have some amazing and hilarious bloggers covering for me. I'm starting this week off with one of my favorite bloggers, Stephanie. She has a ridiculously cute dog, she might be able to out-drink me (maybe), and writes amazing lists that I can always relate to. I'll stop wasting your time and let Stephanie take it away!

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hey there faith fans!  i'm stephanie and i blog at bourbon and glitter and i'm filling in for faith today while she's out of town.  please, try to hide your disappointment.  now, i'd like to think you want to know all about me and my blog but i've been around long enough to know that you just...don't.  so instead, i'm going to tell you about

5 embarrassing things i did as a child.

1. ate dog treats.  for real though, they taste like jerky.  dogs don't know it's not bacon?  well neither did 6 year old stephanie.

2. ran away from home to sit at the park.  like my parents would be worried about me in lincolnwood.    it's basically mayberry minus the sweet tea.  also, i just left.  as if i was just going to a friends house on my bike, like i always did.  i didn't leave a note or throw a tantrum when i left.  or take anything.  i just left, and then got confused when i came home and they didn't notice i 'ran away.'

3. dug through the garbage to find my retainer at school.  my mother threatened me if i lost one more retainer so i freaked when i threw it out with my lunch tray.  i made my best friend amanda spend the next two class periods digging through school garbage with me to find it.  found it, refused to put it in my mouth ever again anyway.

4. i wouldn't play with other kids.  this was a total ocd move on my part, but i had to look like the strangest child ever.  i would stand with my teacher during recess, every day of kindergarten, in my adorable dresses and refuse to play with the other kids on the playground equipment "because it was dirty."  also i have straight up never finger painted in my life.  ew.

5. assumed anyone with short hair was a boy.  i insisted that i had a friend in daycare that was a boy named elizabeth.  uh no, baby stephanie.  just because every girl does not have hair down to their ass like you do, does not make them a boy.

you're welcome.  i'm just hoping i'm not the only one...  anyway, maybe you'll come visit me now, maybe even to read the 7 things you should be afraid of, but if not, i hope you enjoyed the embarrassing moments from my life!  thanks for having me faith!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks so much for agreeing to cover for me today, Stephanie! I laughed so hard when I read this list, and I knew it was going to be a good one for blog.

p.s. you don't want to miss tomorrow, it may or may not be about procrastination, which is something that I STRUGGLE with.

Hasta La Vacation

It's Friday, it's Friday, it's Fridayyyyy.

I'm sorry that I've been slacking this week. I, unfortunately, hurt myself pretty badly during a workout on Tuesday night and I've been a write-off and just an overall struggle ever since. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. But seriously, it's been a crazy week at work and I've had absolutely zero time for playing on the interwebz.


{Source}

However, to day is the happiest of days.. because I'm ON VACATION!
Well, technically I'm on my way to work for a few hours, but then I'M ON VACATION.

You won't see me around these parts next week since I'll be in Halifax visiting friends and family and gallivanting. I'm trying to focus on work and get through the day, but my mind has basically already checked out at this point. This vacation is long overdue and I can't wait to have a solid week of not having to think about anything.

This is for those of you who don't know where British Columbia or Nova Scotia are. I'm travelling from the Pacific to the Atlantic.

So because I'm completely lazy and not feeling like thinking of something super creative, I'm going to share some good 'ol fashioned reality tv GIF's that I think completely relate to me and my vacation.



Mama June knows what's up. This is basically what I'd like to do for an entire week. I'll try not to gain 10lbs while I'm in Nova Scotia, but I make no promises.



Lord Disick, no truer words have ever come out of your mouth.
I'll take fun and relaxation for $500, Alex.



There's a theme here so far.. have you caught on yet? No, okay...



Yes please. Right now.



Um, yep. I'm definitely good with this. I doubt it'll happen in Nova Scotia, but a girl can wish...


{Source}

This is basically my conclusion. I just have to take a trip to accomplish all of these things. Good thing I'm on a flight tonight.



Of course I have to #backthatazzup with Ms. Whitney today. Duh.

I'll have some fabulous people around these blog-parts next week and I promise you won't want to miss their posts!

Hasta la vista my lovelies.

What happens in Canada, STAYS in Canada

Oh hiiii everyone. Sorry I'm super late to the party today, but I had zero ambition to write anything. But I have a good excuse..

See what had happened was... I injured my back pretty badly in last night's workout. So much so, that I complained to Allie and Juliette about it and made them feel sorry for me. So much so, that Allie agreed to write today's post so that I wouldn't have to - thanks girl.
I'm going to stop rambling and let Allie take it away....

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So I've decided something. Either I cave really easily to peer pressure or I just will jump at the chance to make myself look really stupid to the entire world. Neither one is really a good habit, so I'll just let you decide. Speaking of peer pressure, I'm here today because the Queen B of this blog made me do it. And I come through for my friends, just FYI.
Maybe I should back up and introduce myself. PS another thing you should know is I will never miss the opportunity to talk about me. I think it's one of my better qualities actually. You can normally find me over at Tales of a Twenty Something, but I'm not there today, so go visit me tomorrow. Much like Faithykins I talk about online dating. And that will be the hot topic around those parts tomorrow. Oh and hey, that's me down there in case you were wondering.

Okay back on topic. The next thing you should know is that I live in "The States" as Faithy refers to them. She's in Canada, just in case you missed that little memo. You should also know that tons and tons and tons of random things go through my mind on a daily basis. Especially things about different countries, see: Canada.
So when Faith practically begged me to fill in for her today, I knew that was just the ticket. I'm going to share all the things that me and Jilly Bean wonder about Canada and all other countries for that matter, but specifically Canada because Faith can answer them for us. Please don't think we are dumb. We are just curious.
1. Can Canadians text those of us in America or is there some crazy cost? I promise Juliette and I questioned this when we all decided to take the blogger plunge and group text. I mean. Shouldn't it be really expensive? Apparently not. Well since we all have iPhones. iMessage for the win.
2. Do they have regular bacon or only Canadian bacon? This was a concern of Juliette's. Which I fully support. I mean it's a valid concern. It's named CANADIAN bacon after all. But contrary to popular belief, they have the good bacon too.
3. Do they drive on the right or left side of the road? I'm pretty sure they drive on the right side. I only know this because my parents recently went to Niagara Falls and they rented a car. And I know my mom is too much of a spazz to be able to drive on the left side of the road.

Uhh seriously, Allie? RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD.
4. Why do they add "u" to words like Favorite and Color? I mean why? Most people are aiming to remove  few letters... but nope. Not these Canadians. They want to ADD a letter. and the last letter of the alphabet is pronounced ZED, not ZEE. Think about that for a minute.

We speak English, as in ENGLAND.. you know, the proper way.
5. Do they have McDonalds? Or Chick Fil A, especially Chick Fil A? This has always been a concern of mine. And the main reason I haven't been to a foreign country yet. I mean besides the money. But really. Do they have restaurants like that?

No Chick Fil A, I've never even tried it..
6. Is their telephone number seven digits like ours or does it have some letters thrown in there too? Case in point. Is there telephone number 555-5555 or is it like 5A61Z?

How would you even call a letter number?
7. What do Canadians call those of us that live in America? This is kind of a silly question, or at least I do. Cause obviously they call us Americans... like we call them Canadians right? WRONG. 
8. Are their electrical outlets the same? Taking it back to that movie Just Married with Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy, bless her soul. They went somewhere in Europe and he burnt the hotel because their outlets were different.

That's Europe, we are in "North AMERICA". Same outlets.
9. How do you eat Thanksgiving dinner in October instead of November? And what about all the other holidays? Are they on different days too? You do have Christmas right?

What's Christmas? Forget everything I said until the last question. I mean please, please, please tell me you have Christmas?
10. Do they like being on top? Totes inappropriate, but I don't care. I'm from North Carolina and we get picked on all the time about being "on top" of South Carolina... I mean Canada is on top of a entire country. So obviously, they like being on top. Hope that doesn't lead some weirdo to your page Faithykins.

Short answer - yes.
Long answer - too inappropriate.   Okay maybe I did it on purpose and hope it does, but whatever. Thanks for being lazy today and letting me introduce the hot mess that is TOATS to your friends.

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I hope y'all loved this post as much as I did. If you didn't, then you're high. That is all.

5 Signs That You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger

If you follow me on twitter, you may know that Juliette, Allie and I kind of blasted everyone's feed for over an hour last night. Oops, sorry about that. Not really.

Our conversation started because of Allie's amazing 'online dating' posts where she shows some of the amazing/creepy/strange people that she finds in her online dating adventures. This is one of my favorite series of posts (EVER) and I felt the need to spam her with eleventy billion pictures that I've found while browsing Plenty of Fish. Poor Juliette got spammed too - but she secretly loved it, I promise.

During my searching process I came across a few VERY interesting profile write-ups. There were a few guys that I knew were Stage 5 Clingers RIGHT AWAY.

Guys, if you're reading this: Don't be THAT guy.

I don't want to read in your profile that you're "actively looking for the love of your life". No.
One guy said he needs to find his 'forevership'.
One guy was saying that he wants to find a girl to spend all of his time with...
No. Just, no.


Am I the only one who finds this off-putting?
It just seems like 'too much' for a profile..

Do guys (or girls) honestly think it's okay to put that out there for complete strangers to read? Does anyone actually respond to their messages? Are there other people out there who are actively looking for this relationship too? Will they meet the love of their life on POF?

These are the types of questions that run through my mind when I read these profiles. It just leaves me with a lot of confusion. But mainly, more than anything, it leaves me with one thought: You're a Stage 5 Clinger.


There is just TOO MUCH crazy happening in this picture. One week, that's all it took for her to be hooked.
Seriously though, you need to run for the hills bro.

I thought I should come up with a list, you know.. to be helpful. If you don't know whether or not you're a stage 5 clinger, I hope I can help you figure this out.

5 Signs That You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger

1. If you tell someone on a first date that you could spend the rest of your life with them..

you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

2. If you only get 1 text reply for every 10-15 messages you send..

you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

3. If you start picking out wedding colors or kids names after dating for a month or less..

you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

4. If you know where the person you're 'dating' currently is because you follow them on Facebook/twitter/Instagram/foursquare and stalk them obsessively..

you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

5. If you're constantly calling this person and they're not answering, so you go to their house and wait for them on the front step until they come home..

you're a Stage 5 Clinger.