Tuesday, July 16, 2013

5 Signs That You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger

If you follow me on twitter, you may know that Juliette, Allie and I kind of blasted everyone's feed for over an hour last night. Oops, sorry about that. Not really.

Our conversation started because of Allie's amazing 'online dating' posts where she shows some of the amazing/creepy/strange people that she finds in her online dating adventures. This is one of my favorite series of posts (EVER) and I felt the need to spam her with eleventy billion pictures that I've found while browsing Plenty of Fish. Poor Juliette got spammed too - but she secretly loved it, I promise.

During my searching process I came across a few VERY interesting profile write-ups. There were a few guys that I knew were Stage 5 Clingers RIGHT AWAY.

Guys, if you're reading this: Don't be THAT guy.

I don't want to read in your profile that you're "actively looking for the love of your life". No.
One guy said he needs to find his 'forevership'.
One guy was saying that he wants to find a girl to spend all of his time with...
No. Just, no.

Am I the only one who finds this off-putting?
It just seems like 'too much' for a profile..

Do guys (or girls) honestly think it's okay to put that out there for complete strangers to read? Does anyone actually respond to their messages? Are there other people out there who are actively looking for this relationship too? Will they meet the love of their life on POF?

These are the types of questions that run through my mind when I read these profiles. It just leaves me with a lot of confusion. But mainly, more than anything, it leaves me with one thought: You're a Stage 5 Clinger.

There is just TOO MUCH crazy happening in this picture. One week, that's all it took for her to be hooked.
Seriously though, you need to run for the hills bro.

I thought I should come up with a list, you know.. to be helpful. If you don't know whether or not you're a stage 5 clinger, I hope I can help you figure this out.

5 Signs That You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger

    1. If you tell someone on a first date that you could spend the rest of your life with them..

    you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

    2. If you only get 1 text reply for every 10-15 messages you send..

    you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

    3. If you start picking out wedding colors or kids names after dating for a month or less..

    you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

    4. If you know where the person you're 'dating' currently is because you follow them on Facebook/twitter/Instagram/foursquare and stalk them obsessively..

    you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

    5. If you're constantly calling this person and they're not answering, so you go to their house and wait for them on the front step until they come home..

    you're a Stage 5 Clinger.

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    Kay said...

    On a scale of 1-10 how rude would it be if I sent this post to one of my sister's friends? "if you get 1 text reply for every 10-15 you send" most definitely applies to her.. HAHAH, loved this.

    Brittany Lea said...

    Haha this post is great! Good Morning reads from Faithy! :)

    Anonymous said...

    Hahaha this is perfect!

    Carlisa Creter said...

    Hha too funny

    Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

    So I creep the hell out of guys I'm dating or start talking to from online dating websites. Like the minute I find out their last name I have looked them up on every social media site I have AND done a free background check. So I guess that makes me a Stage 5 Clinger.. Thanks Faithykins... Thanks.

    Whitney Ellen said...

    I'm still slightly confused by the word ' forevership'. Is that real life? Autocorrect says that shit aint a real word, yo.

    Stephanie said...

    Tears right now. Tears of pure laughter, this is hilarious. The 1 week anniversary, I just can't. I cannot.

    Caroline said...

    Hahahaha, a forevership... I can't. I really can't deal right now.

    Patricia said...

    Brilliant. Absolutely Brillant. And WHY are there so many stage 5 clingers?