Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Three Little Words

I'm going to take my post to a different place today, and I want to get a little real with y'all (Allie, that was for you).

If you're offended by what I'm going to rant about today, I'm sorry. This is just how I feel in this exact moment, and I'm going to use my freedom of speech to get this off my chest.

Today I want to express my frustration over three little words that have been said to me on three separate occasions this year. Not 'I love you', not 'Lets order pizza', and definitely not 'Fries with that? '. Yes, I know that two of those were about food.. but that's beside the point. These three little words are not threatening words, and they should flatter me more than annoy me...

She's not you.

This is something that three different guy friends have said to me this year in regards to a girl that they're dating or 'hanging out' with. While it should be flattering, it's really not anymore. Hearing these three little words just rubs me the wrong way. 'She's not you'... um no, homeboy... she's not me, nor will she ever be me.

I had a conversation with a male friend the other day who had just gone out on a date with a girl, who he had previously seen a few times, and I asked how it went... 'she's not you' (actually he said 'she's no Faith', but we'll go with it) was the response I got. No, I'm sorry, but the only person that will ever be Faith, is Faith. It's really that simple. It's sweet that he said something like that, and I'm flattered that a couple other guy friends have said the same thing this year because obviously there's something about me that sticks out to them... but clearly only enough to look for someone 'like me'. Not actually me. This is the part that annoys me.

Does anyone else remember this terrible song by Jesse McCartney? Now it just annoys me.

I know 100%, without a doubt, that my friend wasn't saying this to bother me. At the time, it didn't even phase me - I laughed it off, told him that I was the only 'me' and no girl would ever fulfill that role... but the next day I thought about the other times this was said to me, and then I realized it kind of bothered me. I've been told by the other two guys that the girls they're looking for are 'kind of' similar to what I look like (similar features/traits), but when it comes down to it, the girls don't compare to my personality at all.

'The conversation didn't flow' was what one guy said, 'She was absolutely boring' was what another guy said, and lastly 'It was like talking to a 2 by 4' (yes, he really said that).

I'm not trying to pretend like I'm on a high horse over here, but no... nobody's personality is going to compare to mine, because they are not me. The same goes for you, whoever you are reading this, nobody will ever be YOU.
This is my point, and this is my frustration.

Since I've apparently got word-vomit today and I just keep rambling, I might as well continue with this thought...

My personality is something that I worked on for 24 years. I did my best to 'master' it, if you will. No, I'm not saying that I am an amazing person or that my personality could win any kind of blue ribbon in a personality contest - if they even existed. I'm just saying that for the first 24 years of my life, I didn't have the ability to make friends, get promotions, or breeze through life on my dashingly good looks.

I was overweight, I truly felt ugly, and I knew the only way to make friends, get promotions, or navigate my way through life was to have a likeable personality. Finding a balance of humor, compassion, sarcasm, kindness, and attempted witty-ness, was something that I worked on. Again, to make it clear, I am NOT saying that I'm amazing, but I will definitely admit that I'm going to win my future husband over with my personality - not my looks.

No two people on this crazy planet of ours will be identical. No two people are going to have the exact same personality and look the exact same way. At the end of the day, while I am annoyed that numerous guys are looking for someone 'like' me, and not actually me - I'll try and take this as a compliment.

Holy rant/word vomit. Phew. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, you can all return to your regularly schedule programming.

To the friend who said this to me the other day, I know you just read this and I'm sorry that you just got used as an example. You know I still love you.


Tracey said...

I think this was fantastically written and you are brave for being so honest.

Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

You kept it! But really, you would win a blue ribbon in my contest <3

Jay T said...

I'm so so glad you wrote this and I think you're exactly right in your feelings about that phrase. It's an unintentionally backhanded compliment, but at least you know they weren't saying it to be rude. I wish you were in CA. xo

Britt said...

I know exactly how you feel!
When I left to go to college, I was getting a call at least once a week for the first few months or so from guy friends who had suddenly discovered my absence made them realize I was actually valuable.
I remember calling my mother crying, wondering why I had been around people for years who never wanted to go beyond friends until I left. I remember asking why I hadn't been good enough when I was right in their faces.
The "now that you're gone, I realize how much I really like you but now it's too late" is definitely my "she's not you."
I hate it.
And same as you - I am overweight, struggle with self-esteem and all that - but I am a damn good partner-in-crime. And if I ever do get married, I want it to be to someone who can see that aspect BEFORE I've vanished from his life.
Britt @ One&20

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

A likeable personality is worth FAR more than good looks are. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen. It's a personality that sets people apart from everyone else. There are things we have in common with people and there are things that are unique to us... we all have our own little combination that's like magic. :)

Tina Goodthing said...

Me and my husband watched Catfish last night. The guy on that episode had been chatting to, and fallen in love with a girl based on a picture of a slim smiling girl. He loved this girl's personality but when he met her she wasn't the slim girl in the picture so he backed away. Nev then set him up on a video date with the slim smiling girl from the picture and he instantly transferred his affection to that girl, knowing nothing about her personality. My husband, bless his heart, shook his head and said "men are so shallow". I loved him more at that point than i ever have. Men are shallow, but if he doesn't want you whatever size you are now, he doesn't deserve you when you get to the size you are happy at. Faith, you are so much better than to settle for a guy who only wants to be with a "perfect size 0". Hold out for the guy who loves you no matter what size pants you wear. xXx

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

personality goes a long way so i would totally take that as a compliment. i've known hot guys with awful personalities and i call them "first glancers" because at first glance, they're smokin hot but then when you get to know them and how cruel or mean or awful they are on the inside, their looks suddenly disappear...that's all they'll ever be - first glancers - unless they change their ways.

so when you have a kickass personality and are real, honest and open, that's what counts most.

Vodka and Soda