Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Guacamole, You Say?

I don't like guacamole and chips..
.. said no Juan, ever.

This post is going to be a little here, a little there, and basically a crap-ton of random.. 'Cause it's my blog and I call the shots, and if you don't like it then... that's just fine (I was trying to sound intense, but the Canadian in me really just wants to apologize for being rude. Crap). I told you this was going to be all over the place, right? Yeah, cause it already is.

So last night I was FaceTiming with one of my best friends from back home - who doesn't live on the East Coast anymore either, but she doesn't live here either, so it's basically like she still lives at home, so I'm going with it.
I WILL TRY AND STOP WRITING RIDICULOUSLY LONG SENTENCES... STARTING NOW (Juliette, that yelling was just for you... you're welcome).

Anyway, I was on FaceTime with Nikki and we were talking about a few nonsensical (ha, I really just wanted to use this word) things and my blog came up in conversation. Nikki asked what I was going to write about today and I just stared at her blankly. She came up with some not so awesome suggestions.. her first one: Guacamole.

You want me to write an entire post about guacamole, Nikki? Are you kidding me? Okay, lets see what I've got.

Guacamole is delicious, whether you eat it with hot-fresh-salty tortilla chips, in a burrito bowl at Chipotle, or eat it out of a dish with a spoon like the classy broad that you are - guacamole is the epitome of delicious.
It's heavenly, orgasmic (sorry mom), and downright perfect.

However, I have had some bad guacamole in my days. This, in itself, is a cause for infinite sad faces, my friends. Truly. There's nothing worse than taking a tortilla chip, dipping it into the delicious looking guacamole, and popping that sucker in your mouth only to be disappointed. All of that build up, AND NO SATISFACTION. I'm sorry, but no.
That's not okay.

My homegirl, Ellen, knows exactly WHAT IS UP. Why is this still a problem? It is 2013 here people, we need GOOD SOLID CHIPS THAT CAN HOLD A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF GUACAMOLE. I mean, come on. This is really all that I'd like from life. Okay, that was a bit dramatic - but this needs to be solved, and stat. As much as I enjoy eating my guacamole with a spoon (I do not believe in discrimination and there will be NO GUACAMOLE LEFT BEHIND), I feel as though we really need some solid chips that we can depend on. Somebody should work on this.

I digress...

Nikki went on a 5-minute long tangent about how guacamole is so delicious but it's annoying that it's really ridiculously popular for no reason. Yo, Nikki, imma let you finish - but can we take a second to discuss the fact that guacamole is definitely the Gretchen Weiners of Mexican dips/condiments?

Back to Nikki - I had to bite my tongue from saying 'IT IS POPULAR FOR A GOOD REASON, FOOL'... but she's my best friend, and I'm Canadian... so that means I called her a twat and let it slide. KIDDING. I wouldn't do that.
Despite her nonesense, she raised a valid point about guacamole though... she said that it's just glorified avocados. Yes, yes, it is. But it is the HOLY GRAIL of avocados. And those avocados can go ahead and be glorified all day, e'ryday as far as I'm concerned. Because, case in point, Nikki... GUACAMOLE IS DELICIOUS.

If and when she reads this post, she's probably going to kill me for writing it. But, this is what happens when you JOKE ABOUT BLOG IDEAS WITH A BLOGGER... especially one who has no shame and will literally write about anything.

I'm done talking about guacamole now, I think. But in all fairness, I did start out by warning you that this post was going to be all over the place. It's basically the biggest cluster f@&$ of a post to hit my blog since the time I went on the worst date with the biggest douchebag and thought it was appropriate to blog about it (this link literally has NOTHING to do with this guacamole post).

If this isn't how you say guacamole, then you're saying it WRONG, and you can't sit with us.

I, legitimately, was going to go on another tangent about some of the other things that Nikki talked about, but I think I like the idea of this post being solely about guacamole. Good day.

Yes, there were a few missed 'that's what she said' moments throughout this blog post, those are just for you Allie.


Meredith @ Call Me What You Like said...

You totally win for the BEST blog post of the day. A whole damn post dedicated to guacamole. That is what I call winning, my friend. lol Loved this!

Rachael @ Pretty in Pink said...

OH I just love all the guacamoley-ness!

Melissa Suggitt said...

i actually don't like guacamole. does that mean i'm a bad person?

Stephanie said...

For real though, that shit is delicious. It's just better than plain old avocados. Usually I get crazy feta dip though, I'm possibly more obsessed with that than anything else.

Jay T said...


Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

Only you could write an entire blog about guacamole. But imma tell you a secret. I don't like guacamole :( please don't tell anyone and don't hate me

Sunshine and Sinatra said...

A post dedicated to guac? Ummm hell yea you can count me in!

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

Guacamole is DELICIOUS! I would kill for some on thin salty chips right now!