D stands for Douchebag

Disclaimer: mom, dad, aunti... if you are reading this, I'd encourage you to stop right now.

Oh hi there, blogland.

Today I'm going to get a little real with y'all and share a story that I probably shouldn't. However, this blog can't be full of sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops all the time. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the craziness that is my life...

On Saturday I went on a date with the biggest douchebag I've ever met.

I could end the story there, but where would the fun be in that? I mentioned on the blog yesterday that I'd be sharing this crazy story today, so I can't break that promise. Let me just start by saying that this guy didn't just steal a page chapter from the douchebag handbook, I'm pretty sure he wrote the darn thing.

The date started off like complete crap. I knew within 5 minutes of being in this guys presence that I was very uninterested and wanted to bail. But, being the 'nice girl' that I am, I decided to hang out with him for a little while and see where things would go. In hindsight, I should've listened to my intuition and gut feeling, but I didn't. Oops.



He lives about a 5 minute walk away from the beach, so we decided to take a walk down to the beach and walk along the path. The sun was setting, and the views were absolutely breathtaking - it sounds like it should be a romantic, or even sweet date, right? No. This guy could not form any kind of conversation, nor did he have any desire to get to know me. Honestly, he probably couldn't even tell you my name. Yeah..

I had to start ALL of the conversations and keep them going. He had zero desire to learn anything about me, and only cared to tell me about how much he loooooves partying, and hooking up with random girls. WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER. Who thinks it's okay to say this to a girl on a FIRST DATE (or any date for that matter)?
Lets call this Strike One.



After walking for about 10 minutes he appeared to get tired so we sat on a bench, staring out at the water (and right in front of a group of young girls who he proceeded to check out for 10-15 minutes). Again, no conversation except for any conversation that I initiated and he just sat there awkwardly - continuously checking out other girls, and when he thought I wasn't looking - checking me out (in a creepy way).
Shall we call this Strike Two?



As we continued to sit there, awkwardly, this guy pulled something out of his pocket. Whatever he was holding looked like a telescope and I was officially confused. After looking out at the water and making awkward conversation, again, for what seemed like eternity, the idiot unscrewed the top of the 'telescope' and took a giant swig. It turns out that his telescope was a flask, and homeboy went to town on drinking every last drop of whatever alcohol he had in there. Despite the fact that I'm not drinking alcohol for a few months (for weight-loss), I honestly wanted nothing more than to take the flask from his hands and chug it so that I could forget that this terrible date ever happened.
Strike Three.



Shall we proceed to cover strikes Ay through Zed? Yes, yes we shall.

I glanced at the time and decided that I couldn't spend anymore time with him so I made a comment about needing to pick up my roommate and that we should head back to the car. On the walk back, he brought up the fact that his phone was almost completely dead. He gave me this sob story about how his iPhone charger somehow died earlier that day and wanted to know if he could use my charger to charge his phone for a few minutes. I planned on just charging it in the car for 5 minutes and then taking off. However, again, he gave me a story about needing to use the washroom and asked if I could come up to his apartment for a bit so he could charge his phone.

Now before you give me an earful about how I made a stupid decision, don't waste your breath. I know I made a dumb mistake and I should've trusted my instinct, but for some reason I agreed to help him out and went up to his apartment for a bit. You could say that I'm a little naive, and I tend to see the best in people. I honestly thought that he needed a quick phone charge and then I'd leave.



We walk through the door, and he immediately plugs in his phone and runs to the washroom (where he stayed for 5-10 minutes, so I'm sure he was taking a crap because he's a classy broad like that). I took a minute to text my roommate and tell her to call me and get me out of this situation - so she did, told me she NEEDED me to come RIGHT NOW. I made it clear to this kid that I had to go. All I'm going to say is that he didn't really understand 'no means no' until I made it perfectly clear that I was walking out the door at that exact moment.



He was completely unimpressed that I was leaving, and handed me back my charger. I bolted out the door, stopped in the hallway to breathe a sigh of relief that I got out of there, and left to pick up my roommate.

Once Amanda got in the car, and attempted to use my charger, she asked why it was all sticky and turned on the light to take a closer look at it. And this, friends, is when I discovered that the douchebag of all douchebags had done the old switcheroo. He must have slipped my charger into his pocket, and used his broken charger to 'charge' his phone in front of me. That way, when I left, he handed me back the broken charger, and I bolted out the door because I was thankful to just get out alive.


This is the charger that douchebag gave to me.

To say I was angry would be the understatement of the century. I can laugh about it now, and honestly I think it's hilarious. However, this definitely goes down as the worst date that I've ever been on in my entire life, and hopefully I don't ever go on a worse date...

Please, someone, tell me that they've been on a terrible date as well?

In case anyone is wondering, I'm completely done with men boys for a loooong while.