Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Aracnophobia Anyone?


Warning: post contains foul language, and a creepy eight-legged freak.

Happy hump day, friends.

It's story time. Now before you get all excited thinking that my pants fell down while running for the bus, again... it's not that kind of story. No, this story is a very true, and very creepy story. The kind where you might not like me anymore if you keep reading. So, if you're not interested in reading about last weeks spider incident - leave now. If you stay, don't say I didn't warn you. Seriously.

So last Friday, while getting ready for work before 6:00am, I got out of the shower and headed into my bedroom to start getting ready for work. I turned my light on, closed my door, and BAM. There he was. That douchebag just sat there, sitting by my door, staring at me and taunting me with his over abundance of legs. WHY DO SPIDERS NEED EIGHT LEGS? Humans survive with two legs... do they really need 4x the normal amount? No. The answer is no.

Okay, so I see the spider, and panic. Normally I have no problem catching a spider with a glass and taking it outside to set it free, or flush it down the toilet - whatever method I find appropriate at the time. But not this time. No no no, this time I wasn't staring at a spider, I was staring at a small dog. Seriously though, look at this beast.




That's a loonie aka a Canadian $1 coin for any of you American readers.


Not one single part of this is okay. So I formed my tactical plan, i.e. slowly opening the door (so I don't scare him and have him run into my closet), running to the kitchen to grab a glass and running back to trap him. Slight problem was that I underestimated his size and my glass was NOT big enough. Not to mention the fact that I was so stunned that I stood there staring at him for probably 5 minutes before I heard my roommate open her bedroom door. I then proceeded to force her to trap him because I just couldn't do it. We had to use a yogurt container because he was TOO BIG to trap inside of a glass. So then I did what any normal person would do... I let him sit there, all day, so he could think about what he had done. In hindsight, I honestly feel bad for leaving him all day - but I just could NOT handle that at 6:00am...



When I came home, I turned to Facebook and texting a few 'men' I know to see if anyone would save me. Nope.
So I went upstairs to see if my landlord or his son were home. Nope.
Poor Juliette, Allie, and Sami had to have the play-by-play of this entire debacle, and they were getting live pictures and videos. Yeah, sorry guys. Not to mention that one of Juliette's biggest fears are spiders.



Anyway... I did what any normal person blogger would do. I took pictures of him, I took pictures WITH him, and then I videotaped my mission to get rid of him. Side-note: I've decided that nobody (except the few people I sent them to) ever needs to see these videos. I screamed like a girl, watched the spider dance, and then almost had an anxiety attack.

All of the spider GIF's that I made were so creepy and terrifying, so I put a filter on this bad boy and made it look like a dance party. This is definitely the weirdest GIF you will see on the interwebz today, and possibly ever.. I'm sorry for that.



Since I said I took pictures with it, I figured I should show you that too...



Now I'm done with the spider. Forever.

10 comments:

Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

Except. I have the video. So you better behave if you don't want people to see it. KTHANKSBYE

Something Infinitely Interesting said...

i would freaking die!@

Stephanie said...

Yikes! I would probably have screamed.

Samantha @ Life is But a Stream of Thoughts said...

The fact that you even got close enough to it to take selfies with it... girl, you got balls...

I would have just called it a day and moved out...

"...so he could think about what he had done..." I hope he thought long and hard and realized he should never act like that again.

I actually got light-headed watching this post...

Kelly Louise said...

i would have moved out. at 6am. bye!

Amy Lynn said...

OMG! I HATE spiders!!! I would have left the house until someone killed it!!!

http://amylynn83.blogspot.com/

Jay T said...

I didn't need to see this again.
And by that I mean I enjoyed this very very much. Well done, I'm proud of you.

I need a nickname.

Jay T said...

I didn't need to see this again.
And by that I mean I enjoyed this very very much. Well done, I'm proud of you.

I need a nickname.

ANDYSTYLE said...

omg is so big!, I hate hate spirits :/

Lindsay Hess said...

THIS. IS. TERRIFYING.

Why are you putting your face so close to it? Stop that, he's going to jump out and get you. Stop putting your beautiful face next to terrifying monster spiders. Stop it.