Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Do you even run, bro?

I run.

That's weird for me to say.

After a lifetime of 'not running' and laughing if people asked me to run, I can finally say that I run. I still don't run around people, because I just can't bring myself to do that, but I run. On Sunday I started the program 'Couch 2 5k'. I've done the first two days so far, and I'm loving it. I don't know how long I will love it, but if I start to hate it...
I'll just ignore that part. Or something.
'Cause, you know, Ignorance is bliss, guys.

Anyway, I thought I'd share a few running stories from last week.

This is spot on.
This is exactly how I feel and how I look - which is why I don't run in public.

Last Friday, I left my house a little late for work. As I'm getting to the crosswalk to head to my bus stop, I notice the bus coming down the road. The only way I'm going to catch the bus is if I run the 2-3 blocks to the stop and beat the bus. In the past (and I can't believe I'm going to admit this) I wouldn't even bother running, if the bus was that close - I'd let it pass me and I'd catch the next one. #fatgirlprobz

I really didn't want to be late, or have to wait 10 minutes for the next bus... so I ran. The issue is that there were two (pretty good looking) guys walking a little boy down the sidewalk in front of me. I started sprinting for the bus stop, and they must have heard me because they turn around and step out of the way when they see me barreling towards them. I yell at them 'Excuse me! Sorry! Trying to catch the bus!' (in the most out of breath voice). They let me pass through, and I make it to the stop with literally 2 seconds to spare. As the bus stops and the doors open, I hear the two guys clapping and cheering for me - because I made it. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? They were being kind, I'm sure. But I kind of wanted to die. I just smiled, and ran onto the bus as fast as I could.

Also last week (can you tell it was a great week for running?), I discovered that I really shouldn't do shots of espresso anymore. I went through a phase (for a week) of having a shot every day as a little 'pick me up' despite the fact that I despise coffee. It worked wonders, and I'd feel amazing almost immediately. That was, until I discovered that my stomach didn't like the espresso so much. I was feeling a little 'off' every day, and my stomach hurt - but I just assumed I was eating something bad, not that I was feeling sick from the espresso. This realization didn't come until I took a shot of espresso after work one day so that I'd feel amazing for my afternoon run. However, I felt the complete opposite. I felt like complete crap, and almost like I was going to shit myself. Fantastic, eh? I discussed this with Juliette, because we have no boundaries, and she told me it was from the espresso. I didn't want to forfeit my run because I was feeling 'under the weather', so I went ahead and ran anyway. Bad life decision right there.

Note to self: When you feel like this, DON'T GO RUNNING.

About half-way through my run, it hit me. I legitimately thought I was going to shit my pants right there on the spot. As I'm slowing to a halt, I trip and stumble and barely compose myself. At this point, I'm hunched over - in the middle of an alley - feeling like I'm going to have an accident right there on the spot, and I decide that I need to help home. I start to slowly jog home - again, bad call... it just made it worse. I slowed myself to a nice steady walk home, and made it home without an unfortunate accident. Thank goodness this is only a story about the time I 'almost' shit myself while running. Sorry for the mental image.

After that story, I'm pretty sure I belong in the box of shame.

I'll continue to run, every day if I can, and I don't plan on stopping any time soon. Lets just hope that I'm shit free, and audience free for the unforeseeable future.


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Anonymous said...

I'm sorry...your running stories made me giggle...

Morgan Rae said...

I just started the "couch to 5k" program too. I love it! But I'm just like you. I hate, despise, loathe running in front of people, so it's made finding a good running route a bit difficult.

Tracie Everyday said...

Girl you've got balls continuing on while attempting not to shart yourself! I would have layed down in the fetal position and not moved!

Anonymous said...

At least your audience cheered! Feeling the need to shit while not by a restroom is a total fear of mine but I hate public restrooms so that's a no win situation.

B Dav said...

LOL! Coffee does that to me!
I will be in the middle of teaching and then it just somehow all moves down and then I MUST get to a bathroom immediately.
I am doing the C25K program, too!
I am going to restart next week :)
Britt @ One&20

Leah said...

It may or may not have been the coffee...runners runs (it's a THING ok!) is incredibly common and you really do have to watch what you put in before you head out for a run. Test out what your body needs and likes - for me it used to be a banana and/or almond/peanut butter on a bagel. These days I do scrambled eggs (no milk) and spinach and find my body works on that fuel. No matter what the distance you are running - what you put in makes A HUGE difference!

Congrats on C25K - that's freaken awesome Miss Runner! xx

Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

Seems like you had a pretty shitty situation there... Pun intended. LOL

Sarah Grace said...

I always laugh out loud, with you, when you talk about your "adventures".

Jay T said...

I'm really proud of you and I hope you keep running because I need more of these stories.

Brittany Lea said...

Oh Faithy it is stories like this that make me love you more! No shame box for you! I hope you never have an accident like that! xo

StaceyFacex said...

Wow... only you! So glad you didn't have an accident ha. With the money.. I would go on holiday with my boyfriend when he gets back from Afghan! x

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

i love the C25K program and you have to be very careful what you eat before you run because it's a known fact that running kickstarts your intestines and can accelerate the urge to poo!

Vodka and Soda

Maria Romanick said...

I'm hoping I have this much exuberance about running as you do! But that crapping and running feeling...I totally get that!

Allison Leighann. said...

This is abso-friggin-lutely hilarious.
I've literally been in that same situation so I feel your pain. I'm glad you made it home though!

And you're better than me. I don't exercise at all.

Robin M said...

I just love reading your blog posts!!! Sorry sounded like a poopy day. You always know how to keep someone reading though. Very interesting. :)

Asia Reynolds said...

That would've been the worst experience ever lol

Heidi said...

Bahahaha! I just found your blog (Stephanie from Not Entirely Perfect sent me a link to it!). I seriously had the same poo problem once while trail running and legitimately thought I was gonna have to pop a squat in the woods! Love your blog and am now following along on your journey. :)