Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Vulnerable Truth 3.0

Alright guys, I'm about to get a little serious with y'all for a minute.

I've posted before about weight-loss and my journey to get healthy. It has been an interesting process and honestly the best journey of my life. If you're unfamiliar with what I'm talking about here are parts ONE and TWO.

The picture on the left is from a year ago. The picture on the right is from last weekend.

The mental aspect of weight-loss is something that I've struggled with throughout this process. I still can't bring myself to workout in front of people or with people - even friends. However, despite the fact that I once blogged about 'why I don't run', I have started running. Everyday. Well, 5-6x per week. Honestly, it's therapeutic for me and I feel good when I'm done. Even though I'm running so often, I still can't run 'in front' of people - so I run down alley-ways. One time I went running at 2:00AM but my dad didn't like that, and suggested that I not do it anymore (even though he lives 6,000km away). Don't worry Dad, I still just run down all of the alleys in my neighborhood. Dad, I'm humoring you - for now.

I obviously instagramed about my 2AM run

When I run, I don't take music with me. No phone, no communication with the world, no music, nothing. Just me and my thoughts, and I love every second of it. When I'm working out at home, I need music to keep me motivated and keep me moving; but when I'm running, I need silence and to be left alone with my thoughts.

I do my best thinking when I run. I can clarify situations in my head and come up with perfect solutions to anything that's weighing on my mind. It's freeing, it's fabulous, and it's something that I NEVER expected.

I love this. It's my iPhone wallpaper so that I see it and remind myself of this every day.

Everyone gets motivated by different things. I was motivated by a healthier lifestyle. Sometimes people need to lose weight for an event: wedding, graduation, milestone birthday, heck even just the summer so they can have a bikini ready body. I, however, didn't really have any of that when I first started my journey. Sure, I'm a bridesmaid in a best friends wedding next summer - so I'd LOVE to look hot for that. Sure, I'm turning 25 in October, and I feel like I should look hot for my "quarter-life". However, what it all came down to was that I was sick of being fat. I as sick of being unhappy with who I was, and most of all I just wanted to FEEL better. Yes, looking better was definitely a perk that I was wanting (and looking forward to). But at the end of the day, I had enough of living the way I was living and I just wanted to be happy.

That's just it. Just to be happy. Happiness is different for everyone, and honestly if you had asked me a month ago if I was happy - I'd tell you 'yes, I'm happy and I've always been happy'. But that would be a lie. Not a lie that I'm happy, because honestly - I'm probably the happiest that I've ever been. I wasn't always happy though, and that's something that I forgot.. until recently.

Two weeks ago I accidentally found an old video on my computer that I recorded in January 2011 - two months before I moved to Vancouver with Amanda. Maybe someday I'll be ready to show that video to everyone, but not yet. However, what I will share with you is the screen-cap (above) of this girl. When I watched this video (which I recorded for 'future me') I was blown away and shocked. I felt so sad for that girl. I honestly didn't even remember recording this video and I didn't remember that I had ever felt that way. I asked myself that if future me was thinner and healthier, to never ever go back. I just, I have no words. This is the motivation that I didn't know that I needed in order to get myself on track.

I don't know if it's a good idea or a terrible idea, but I use myself as motivation. Before you think I'm crazy, allow me to explain... I use old pictures, videos, heck - even things I've written, as motivation to push myself further and to never go back. Seeing how far I've come amazes me. I'm not trying to boast or sound cocky (actually the exact opposite) because I know I am only half way to my goal. But I celebrate my small victories, I celebrate my life that I'm taking back, and I celebrate the confidence that I've gained.

This is the same shirt (in the three pics above). I've owned it for years and now it practically falls off me - but I've kept it so I can continue to see my progress. The picture on the left is from 2 years ago, the picture in the middle was taken last night, and the picture on the right is from 3 years ago. This shirt truly didn't fit me when I used to wear it ( and I wore it all.the.time.), but I loved it and thought I looked good. I was delusional, and I can see that now.

Anyway... I could say a lot more, but I've rambled far too long. I will end this here and I will pick up next time when I do a 4th edition of The Vulnerable Truth. I truly thank every single one of you who have encouraged me, inspired me, and helped me with this journey. The support that I've gotten has been so overwhelming and it's more than I ever could've expected and it has been motivation for me to keep going.


Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

i love love love this, faith. i love reading about other people's weight loss journey because we're all one and the same: trying to find ways to stick to a healthier lifestyle and live a balanced life.

what you're doing is awesome and the fact that you're doing just to stay healthy is amazing. your perspective is what will propel you hit your goals and be successful in your journey.

keep it up, always challenge yourself and enjoy every moment because every day when you look in the mirror, you're seeing progress :)

Vodka and Soda

Diary of a Dreamer said...

Keep it up! You shouldn't do this for anyone else but you and it's good that you use yourself for motivation - I do too. I hate running in front of people too, but its a necessary evil on my route :/ You'll be comfortable doing it soon, and it doesn't matter if people see you - you're still doing better than ALL of them that aren't running their butt off.

Whitney Ellen said...

I'm soooooooooooo proud of you, my sexy running Canadian!!

PS. Can we just not with these 2am runs... especially 2am runs WITHOUT A PHONE. I don't know how y'all do it in Canada land over there, but that shit would be means for abduction, amongst other scary things, here. Listen to your dad. Or me. Either will do.

Anonymous said...

Your hard work is paying off, you look awesome! :)

Anonymous said...

Girlllll, you look amazing! Keep up the good work. Seriously, you're doing a great job!!

Leah said...

You are doing awesome Faith, and I love these honest updates from you! Using yourself as motivation is the best kind - you should be doing this for yourself first and foremost! You go girl!

the florkens said...

This is inspiring girl! Really. It is. You should be soooo incredibly proud of yourself. I have the same problem about working out in front of people. Thus far, Adam is only person I don't mind working out with/in front of. And I think that's only because I know for sure that he wouldn't judge me for how quickly I get winded or how slow I am. And I am slow.

I've personally been looking for inspiration to start working out again (I stopped while studying for the bar exam because there simply was not enough hours in the day) -- and you, my friend, may help get me there!

Thank you for this post.


Kay said...

I had no idea how much I needed to hear someone else say that until I read this. I just kept saying "yep, me. me. me. me." YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And your progress is inspiring! Don't stop!

BoldButterBaby said...

I use to be the same way about working out. I finally had to let go and just be like... People are going to see my thighs slap together and hear my ass bounce and they need to get over it. You'll find that one day I am sure of it. You are lookin HOT. Before AND After. Also. My birthday is in October AND I'm turning 25. TWINS. :)

Beth @ That Little Spark said...

You are doing awesome! Keep it up lady, you look great!

Alyson McMahon said...

You look fabulous! Congrats on all of your hard work. It's not easy to look back is it? I'm working hard at losing weight as well. Thanks for being an inspiration.

Sami said...

Andddd I'm crying. Faith you are so amazing and this post is so amazing. I mean you could stop your journey right now and I would tell you that I think you are beautiful inside and out. I envy that you've found a workout that truly lets you be calm and in peace. I have yet to find that so right now I'm just trying to get through it and trying not to look at the clock and see how long before I can be done. You are motivating me girlfriend! All day, erryday! :)

Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

Well I'm just doing the Kimmy K ugly cry over here now. I keep telling myself that I'm not trying to lose weight and get healthy because I'm not motivated, but I think these before and afters may have just done the trick for me. I am SO proud of you Faithykins. You are kicking ass and I love that for you. PS No more 2 AM runs. It's 5AM here and I'm sleeping and I need my sleep, so I can't worry about you running at 2AM... LOVE YOU THE MOST!

Kelly Louise said...

incredible, brave, inspiring. i keep reading the paragraph about the video. so amazing that you came across that. keep up the great work!

B Dav said...

This post nearly bought me to tears. The fact that you can be your own inspiration is an amazing gift because not only does it show you that you're making progress but that you can continue to achieve because you know from firsthand experience that you have already done it and have the proof!
Love this!
Britt @ One&20

Brittany Lea said...

Okay firstly, YAY Faithy! You are doing to great! Super yays for you!

Secondly, no more 2am runs with no phone okay!! Lordy you're going to keep me up at night wondering is Faith running right now!? I hope not! haha


Anonymous said...

You go girl! You look great, keep it up :)

Jay T said...

I mean this post just nails even more why you are so amazing. And you are completely beautiful inside and out and you are also SO inspirational! I don't think anyone could read this without getting a little teary and emotional. You're the best. Like evah.

Carolyn said...

I absolutely love this, and can completely related to being motivated by your own journey. That's where I draw my motivation from. When I was 55lbs heavier, I never really let myself think about how bad things had gotten. I just avoided looking at myself in the mirror (especially naked!) and artfully cropped pictures to try to avoid the truth. I never imagined that I'd be heavy my entire life, but I also never imagined that I could lose the weight. Now, I'm motivated by the fact that I'm doing things I never thought I could do. And I keep going because I can look back and see how far I've already come.

This is awesome and you look beautiful! I'm so proud of how far you've come!!

Robin M said...

I am so Happy For you!!! This just makes me wanna get up and do this!! I have been trying to. Just haven't found that right workout video that will keep me going. :D YAY!!! Keep it up!!

Amy @ Living n Learning said...

I know you share this for yourself but it's definitely helping me. Or maybe I should say it will help me since I haven't actually started making changes.

You've come so far and I know you'll blow you goals out of the water. You're kicking ass and taking names girl. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm here cheering you on!

Lisa said...

WOW you look amazing!!! Keep it up!!

Asia Reynolds said...

You've come such a long way! Keep going!