Friday, March 29, 2013

Ashley's Vulnerable Truth

Happy Good Friday, lovelies!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

To say that I'm overwhelmed by the response that I received from Yesterday's Post, would be an understatement. Thank-You.
The tweets, texts, e-mails, messages, and comments that you all sent to me touched my heart more than you know.


One of my best friends from back home, Ashley, reached out to me yesterday and asked if she could share her story on my blog. I'm so insanely proud of her for having the courage to put herself out there like this and I know how hard it is. Ashley, I love you and thank you for supporting me and making this commitment for yourself.

For those of you who don't know Ashley, she is my brother's girlfriend, one of my best friends, and the sister I never had:


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Shes an Inspiration,

Cold Hard Truth

Recently, very recently, my friend and sister poured her most gut wrenching thoughts and feelings onto this very page. I am so very proud of her and thankful for her courage. I, not having a blog, immediately started thinking,
"I, too, need to make a change".
You see my friends, I am the queen of "Duckface". Which basically means contorting my body so it looks smaller in pictures (even if I move in 50 directions to get it), Tyra Banks would be proud. You are hard pressed to find a picture of me on Facebook that I have not prescreened. Should I be tagged in an unsightly picture, (cough Debbie cough), there is a tag no more. I have been in denial for a long time because of this.

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Thin to Chubby

I was a thin girl until grade 6. I was always active but larger than the rest. At 14 I was obsessing over my weight, convinced I was as big as a house. Looking back at those pictures, I would truly love to slap that girl.
The weight truly hit in high school when I started to eat at the fast food restaurent I worked at. The day I noticed, I was in shock. I went from 160 pounds to 180 over night! How did this happen? Why didn't I notice?
Unfortunately there was no more activity to counter the continuing transformation.

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7 years ago, I met a wonderful boy Christian, who happens to be Faith's older brother. As you know from Faith's post, he came from a pleasently plump family.
Christian himself was large at one point. He worked extremely hard to lose all the weight before I met him.
Because of that way of life, he enjoys a "curvy" woman. He had never judged me for my weight and actually protested against losing it, until recently.
I have been on this earth for 24 years but have the body and energy of a 50 year old. If I'm still awake by 10:30pm on a friday night, it's either because: we're at a late movie, or hell has frozen over.
I am constantly uphappy with roll 2, 3, and 4, and he has had the unfortunate duty of listening. I no longer get " you are beautiful the way you are ". I now get "do something about it".
Harsh, right? Shouldn't he make me feel better? No... the answer is no. I should make myself feel better! He may love my curves but he doesn't have to love me bitching.

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The Reality

213 pounds
It's true that there are people out there who would probably love to be my weight. However, we are all un-satisifed with ourselves.
My issue isn't about being curvy. I would choose curves over a 12 year old boy's body any day of the week, and twice on sunday.
The issues are my lack of energy, and not feeling confident in myself.
To not untag Debbie's picture, or feel like a freak walking into the store Garage to see tiny girls question whether I can fit into their largest size.
To not feel out of breath at the top of the stairs or sad because of the amazing clothes that I have to give to my sister due to out-fatting ( aka outgrowing ) them.
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In the spirit of banding together...

I, Ashley, will not give into the easy meal at Mc Donalds. I will not post half of my meal on instagram because I'm embarassed by the other 50%. I will work to "spin the ball out of the bowl" and boost my energy. I will use the Gym membership that I've been paying for! I will lead a healthy, less stressed life.

Change is the only constant in all of science. It is not changing that is unnatural.

1 comment:

Natwest said...

Amen sista