Thursday, September 12, 2013

Cheaters Never Win, and Winners Can't Lift Their Arms

I wasn't going to share either of these stories - really, I wasn't. But I also didn't have anything to blog about today, so this is what you're getting.

Last night was upper body strength training - aka - workout from hell that leaves your arms feeling more like jello, and less like useable appendages. This is problematic when you need to do things like wash your hair, brush your teeth, and apparently get your eyebrows threaded. This is the exact moment where I probably lost you, so let me explain...

For those of you who have never had your eyebrows threaded, or haven't seen anyone have their eyebrows threaded before, you probably don't know what the process is like. After the aesthetician pulls all of the hair out of the top of your eyebrow (and in between your eyebrows if you have a unibrow), she pulls the hair our of the bottom of your eyebrow. Pretty basic. When she's pulling the hair out of the bottom of your eyebrow, you have to hold your eyelid down and pull the top of your eyebrow up so that she won't yank on your skin - I'm pretty sure I just butchered this explanation, but I'm hoping you can somewhat follow along. If you can't - just humor me.

I have had my eyebrows threaded probably 100x. I know the drill, and I know it well. However, when I went to hold my eyebrow for her to yank out all of the hair, my arm started twitching a bit - because my arms still felt like jello from the work-out that I had just finished 30 minutes before that. I try and steady my arm and it's just not working, and it starts to get worse. The girl doesn't say anything but I know that she can see my arm trembling. She moves onto the next eye and I hold my arms down by my sides again. A minute later, she's ready for me to hold my second eye. This is when my arm basically has a seizure and starts shaking uncontrollably. I can't even call it trembling, because it was full on shaking back and forth to the point that she almost can't even do her job.

She was definitely judging me at this point.

She stops, and asks if I'm okay. I assure her I'm fine and she asks if I'm nervous and need a break. I explain to her that I'm not nervous, I've done this 100x and that my arms are shaking from an arm work-out that I had just finished doing. Meanwhile - Amanda is sitting in the chair behind me, laughing, while she watches me shake uncontrollably. Jerk.

After we left the eyebrow place, we headed to the grocery store to pick-up a few more veggies for the rest of the week. Now, there are 2 foods that I crave often, and can't eat because of this whole trying to lose weight. These 2 foods will always be my favorite things, EVER, and I don't see that changing any time soon. These two heavenly foods are my kryptonite and I find myself always wanting them: pizza and chocolate covered almonds. My favorite kind of chocolate covered almonds are the ones in the bulk section at the grocery store. I told Amanda that I was in the mood to cheat on the 90-Day Challenge and I headed to the bulk aisle to have ONE chocolate covered almond. Yes, I literally wanted ONE just to curb my craving, and yes I planned on eating it without paying - oops.

I get to the bulk aisle, look around to make sure that nobody is watching me, and head straight for the almonds. This is when I discovered that there are literally NO chocolate covered almonds. They're completely sold out. Amanda walks down the aisle behind me and basically laughs at me for not being able to cheat and have an almond.

This, my friends, is when I see something that I shouldn't have seen. This is when I SHOULD HAVE walked away, while I still had my dignity. This is when I threw any pride that I had, straight out the window.

I did exactly what you think I did. Amanda watched, in horror, as I grabbed one of those babies and popped it in my mouth. Karma was 100% against me eating this deliciousness, because it was a not so delicious chocolate covered jujube - which I hate. I gagged, and grabbed another one - thinking it would be a chocolate covered almond and I could wash away the taste. No. I don't know what chocolate covered thing #2 was, but it DEFINITELY was not an almond.

Amanda stood there watching me - basically crying from laughing so hard - as I gagged and tried to spit out whatever was in my mouth. That's what I get for cheating on my 90-day challenge, and not taking the 'sold out' sign literally. Always listen to signs.

No shame, guys. No shame. See you all tomorrow.


Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

bahahahahahah! i also would have taken that as a sign to walk away but probably would have done the same as you!

Vodka and Soda

Asia Reynolds said...

I did an arm workout last night and now my shoulders are dead.

Jay T said...

HAHAHAHA. Why didn't Amanda hold your eye shut for you??? Karma was really after you last night, and i'm so glad you wrote about it because THIS IS HILARIOUS. Also you rock but you already know that.

house full of jays said...

Hahahaha, awesome. All of it. xoxo

Melissa Suggitt said...

LOL. wow. the almond thing actually made me almost spit out my water. I so feel that. Sometimes when I want to cheat on my diet I'm on the verge of doing things as crazy as that so i sympathize.

Tracie Everyday said...

I almost peed myself trying not to laugh. The gif of NeNe and Aubrey are too much for me.

Allison Leighann. said...

Hahahaha. That's amazing. Chocolate covered almonds are one of my favorite things ever too.

Also. I don't follow very many blogs, 23 to be exact, and I'm going to be hosting a giveaway sometime next week once my FB page hits 150 likes (it's got 9 to go!), so I wanted to let you know so you could participate since you're one of those. :)

Hope your day is wonderful!

Hayley! said...

Hahaha this is hilarious! I don't know why, but that GIF of Heidi has me cracking up.

Allie @ Tales of a TwentySomething said...

I'm LOLing again about this story because well it's sooooo funny. The eyebrow threading. I just can't.

Rachael @ Pretty in Pink said...

So funny! And that's funny about the eyebrow threading .. I'd be dying. Found your blog throughout Juliette and anyone she loves I love :)

Sarah said...

Great, funny post. I've had my eyebrows threaded. The only thing that compares pain-wise, in my opinion, is childbirth. Love your blog.

Kim @ Slice of Life said...

haha! just found your blog on hang on honey and you look great!! definitely gonna be following along to see how the 90-day challenge goes! :)

J-Berg said...

I'm just stopping over from Hang On,Honey. You had me at Kevin McCallister in a limo with pizza.

Girlfriend, you are hysterical!