Thursday, August 7, 2014

How To Stalk Make New Friends


Juliette is one of my favourite blog people, ever. I guess I can call her a friend now, or something.. because she stalked me long enough and put in a LOT of effort. So, yeah, we're totally best friends. Anyway, sometimes I misspell her name and call her Julietter, and it's like not even a big deal okay? Okay cool story, Hansel. I'll let her take it away because I'm completely rambling.

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Hi. I'm not faith. BUT WAIT PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! I promise I have a post of substance to share with you. My name is Juliette and I blog at The Other Juliette and I like run on sentences and the Oxford comma and I REALLY LOVE TO USE CAPS LOCK LIKE A LOT. This is what I look like when I drink wine and play with makeup for an hour.
You may recognize me because for all of July I blogged every single day because Faith forced me to suggested I join her in that challenge. Faith gets me to do a lot of things I don't really want to do, like that challenge and eating breakfast and being nice to people. I let Faith talk me into these things because we're good best friends who have never met each other. We're blog friends, and we've been friends for a little over a year. How did we become friends? I'd like to tell you "it just happened" but really I think there's a scientific series of steps that you take in order to become friends with a blogger you've never met before. And you are super lucky because I'm going to share these super secret scientific steps with you.

Step One: Casually stalk the crap out of them. Somehow you stumbled across a new blog and you just know that you and this person are meant to be friends. Maybe you clicked to their blog from a link-up, maybe somebody tweeted a link to their page, maybe you google searched something random and their blog popped up... it doesn't matter. You've found this blog and you want to be friends with this person. READ EVERY POST THEY HAVE EVER WRITTEN. The sponsored posts, the drunken posts, the sappy posts, the funny posts... READ THEM ALL.



Step Two: Interact. Comment on their blog. Follow them on all their social media outlets. Tweet at them. Comment on and like their Instagram posts. Comment on their blog some more. Basically just annoy them with your presence until they're like "OMFG FINE I WILL CHECK THIS STALKER OUT." Chances are they'll love you back. I mean, why wouldn't they? You're awesome.



Step Three: Be a suck up. Compliment their posts, compliment their funny tweets, compliment their makeup. It doesn't matter. People like to be complimented even though people say they hate brown-nosers, I think that's a lie. You only have to brown-nose until your blog crush has noticed you back and you can tell your friendship is blooming.



Step Four: Hakunah your tatas (calm your tits). Just relax. You've given it time and now you just need to take a step back and let them come to you. They know you exist and now they want you in their life. You've done it. Now this person is tweeting at you, commenting on your blog, sending you pins, and you two are having Twitter conversations with such intensity that people are butting in saying "TAKE YOUR LOVE AFFAIR TO TEXTING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD."



Step Five: Exchange numbers and live happily ever after. Now you can Skype, FaceTime, text, Gchat... YOU CAN COMMUNICATE ALL THE TIME AND LET YOUR [PLATONIC] LOVE FOR EACH OTHER BE FREE SO THE WHOLE WORLD WILL NOTICE.



You're welcome. I'm certain this has been extremely helpful.





5 comments:

allieology said...

But can you text people in Canada? I'm so happy I found you two lovebugs (or you found me, whatever). Life wouldn't be the same without ya!

Jenn @ Business, Life & Design said...

LMAO! Oh, this is too funny. I've actually been wondering how to make friends with some of the bloggers I really like, so this is helpful, but I'm glad you're not above poking fun at it. Because it is kind of stalkerish at first when they have no idea who you are.

Becca @ Becoming Adorrable said...

So, since we've snapchatted a few times... Am I on step 4.5??

Cassie Lee @ Sage the Blog said...

Hahahaha number five. Yes.

Jess May said...

I stalk from afar. I've made some wicked cool blogging friends this way and I can vouch for the borderline-stalking-turning-into-a-budding-blogmance.
I'm flying to the US from Australia to hang out with a kick-arse chick I wouldn't have met if I didn't start blogging.