Princess Peter Would Like To Share Some Thoughts

Happy Friday, friends!

This weekend is Father's Day - so I hope everyone squeezes their daddy a little extra tight this weekend. I can't be with my dad in person this weekend, so I'm sending all of the virtual love in the world his way.
My father, Peter, is one of the most amazing people in the world. I can honestly say that I am truly blessed to have someone like him in my life. I hope that my future husband is as amazing (as my dad) to our kids... if we have kids.

In May, I had a guest blog (Q&A) from my mom for Mother's Day. I e-mailed a bunch of questions to my mom and asked her to answer them for my blog. Immediately after I e-mailed her, I got an e-mail from dad asking if he was going to get to answer questions for Father's Day. Therefore, because Princess Peter asked so politely if he could be a guest, I decided to ask him the exact same questions.


This was taken at my prom in 2006. I'm totally a daddy's little girl.

If you've been around for my blog for a little while, you will probably remember some of dad's past guest posts. If you're new, this is what you've missed out on. Some of my most popular posts (seriously) are written by my dad.

• 10 Reasons Why The Backstreet Boys Rock
• Retirement Ramblings.
• A Not So Flawless Plan.

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1• Am I your favourite child?
Okay, trick question - I know that you love me more than you love Christian... but it might be nice to hear you say it.
Deb and I decided a long time ago that we should each have a different favourite child, that way it balances the love and discipline. I know it’s kinda feng shui but we’re comfortable with that.

2• What was your favourite Father's Day gift you've ever received? Was it from me or was it from Christian?
It’s a tie - One was the pen holder that you made for me out of toilet paper and paper towel rolls (at school or Sunday school – don’t remember). I’d show you a picture but it’s still packed away during our renovations - I still use it after about 20 years on my desk. The other was the first year the family agreed to simply let me sit and watch the entire final round of the US Open Golf tournament, while having burgers and fries for supper (no formal gifts or dinner … just 8 straight hours of TV golf).
You are kind a party animal dad. 8 hours of golf - you know how to get CRAZY!

3• Are you jealous of the nicknames that I have for mom? I've only ever called you daddy/dad, are you okay with this?
No. Yes.


As far as I'm concerned, the middle picture is the creepiest picture - ever. Thanks for the face-swap, Ashley.

4• Apart from October 1st, 1988 (the day I was born), what has been the best day of your life?
Sounds like you want me to distinguish between “important” and “emotionally satisfying.” Otherwise, I’d have to pick Feb. 28, 1955, without which the rest of them wouldn't be possible.
In terms of best I’ll have to throw out 10 awesome days (I’m more comfortable with comparatives than superlatives):
You're so particular with your posts, Princess Peter.

• April 10, 1981… 1st date with Deb (more than our marriage day even)
• June 11, 1986 … 1st time I held my own offspring
• 1977 (forget the date) …1st time I spoke in front of people and didn't need to puke
• 1975 (forget the date)… the day I realized there was a God and I could actually know Him
• Day 3 of the 1st cruise with Deb (2005) … details withheld for reasons of modesty
• February7, 1976 … for reasons beyond Darryl Sittler’s 10 point game … again, more modesty
• April 30, 2008 … day I gave 2 back-to-back talks at an AMS Hurricane Conference and won “most entertaining talk” award (for the sickos out there who would actually like to hear the talks … each about 15 minutes…. I’ll put the links at the end. Be afraid).
• March 15-21, 1993 … every one of those days were amazing because it was our 1st family Disney trip
• Oct 1, 2009 … the day I realized that my career had formally shifted in my area of passion
• April 3, 1975 … following a 3-month Atkins fast, I had toast.

5• If you could only eat ONE food for the rest of your life - what would it be?
See my last bullet in question 4. Just add PB+J … with a glass of milk

6• You just won a $20,000,000 lotto jackpot - what's your first purchase?
After giving ¼ of it to God and another ¼ to people that I personally know who could be blessed by it … my first purchase would be flights and hotels (etc.) to whichever destination Deb wanted to go for a blow-out trip. Either that or a 3rd juggling ball (I lost one of the three last year during a workshop).
Mom immediately started planning her dream vacation, and you immediately start planning who you'd give money to. That's pretty admirable.
Mom, you could learn a thing or two from your husband.



7• If you had the chance to be 24 again and get a 'do-over', what would you do differently?
Spend more time taking care of myself … physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. At least I finally figured this out in my late forties … but earlier would have been nice.

8• What's your best piece of life advice that you'd like to share with the blog-world?
Four that go hand-in-hand: 1. Seek God. 2. Pursue everything with passion and intention. 3. Take the discipline / practice of recovery much more seriously … it’s the practice of the peak performers. 4. Never take yourself too seriously ... others don't.

9• Will you share a random fact about yourself that nobody (who reads my blog) would know? Bonus points if it's something that I don't know.
I used to be extremely good at table-top hockey … my buddy and I played with a marble because it was faster action than a puck. I played my early twenties ... and we kept detailed statistics (a precursor to my spreadsheet obsession).



10• What would be your ideal way to spend Father's Day?
Watching the US Open Golf tournament and having burgers and fries. I might even go crazy and have a 2nd beer.

11• Tell me a joke. Not a question, but I am in need of a good laugh!
Since you asked your Mom the same questions on Mothers Day then let me continue with her joke.
“Who’s there?”
You guys are rude - I wanted a joke.

12. Did you even notice that you missed a question?
Dad, I didn't write this question! Now you've ruined #14. Brat.

13• Describe me in 5 words.
Proud makes she Yoda daddy

14• Did you even notice that I skipped #12? I bet you just went back to look...
Nope – already filled it in with my own question

15• Every Friday I link-up with my homegirl, Whitney, for something called #backthatazzupFriday - since you're my guest today, will you please select today's song?
Original theme from Mission Impossible.
Seriously? Dad... nobody dances to the Mission Impossible theme song. You're supposed to pick a song that people can #backthatazzup to...
However, what Princess Peter wants, Princess Peter gets.



16• Any final thoughts? Words? Comments? Jokes? Any words of wisdom?
For single men – If you bother to check, they have really interesting stuff going on above their neck. Check it out!
For single women – Seriously, shoes aren’t that important (in the bang-for-the-buck department, they are in the basement).
For married men – You have a choice: you can be happy or you can be right. Choose happy!
For married women – A marriage that’s 50/50 is doomed to fail. What wins is 100/100. Nothing else. Oh … and they do emote … just in very different ways and at very different times.


Gosh I just love him.

Thanks for being such a great sport today, dad. I'm sorry that I'm not with you this weekend to celebrate, but I'm there in spirit. AND, I will see you in ONE MONTH.

For those who aren’t afraid … here are the two talks:

One.

Two.

10 Reasons Why The Backstreet Boys Rock...

Guys, Guys, Guys...


After I wrote yesterday's blog post about 8 Things that I learned from O-Town, I received an e-mail from my dad. He didn't think that my O-Town list was good enough, and he was insulted that I didn't talk about BSB.
Geez, Dad, I'm so sorry that you're upset about my choice.
I had no idea that you had an opinion about which boy band from my childhood was better.

Guys, I have no other words... I'll just leave this to my dad:


I now know that this is the kind of thing that dad will say to my kids.

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10 Reasons Why the Backstreet Boys Rock … like nobody else

OK, since my daughter wrote her very disturbing blog about O-Town, I'd like respond by sharing my top-ten reasons why BSB (Backstreet Boys to those less ignorant) make O-Town look like a bunch of dweebs
(Dad, I don't think anyone says dweebs anymore):
FYI, Dad numbered these himself



1. 10. They are the original O-Town band … and were so a full 7 years before those wanna-bees called O-Town.

2. 9. They are the MOST successful boy-band in history … data to justify this? 130 million albums …. But really, they’re a vocal harmony band first, the boy-thing was just a passing stage while they actually just happened to be BOYS.

3. 8. A.J., aka, “Bone” … nuff said (Whaaat? Dad, who told you his nickname is Bone?)

4. 7. Collectively, they are the love child of Boyz-II-Men and New Kids on the Block …. You gottta love great lineage (hey, the horserace industry says that the 3 most important things are: pedigree – pegdigree – pedigree). Just saying

5. 6. The Unbreakable Tour …. Absolutely the best tour of any musician in human history (well, there was this one English minstrel in the 13th century, but let’s keep it current). (Good job on the random fact, dad. I like it.)

6. 5. NKOTBSB … the coolest acronym ever. (hahaha)

7. 4. They are secretly adored by Queen Elizabeth, Piers Morgan and Jim Belushi (I know because I’m part of a very exclusive fan club of famous people who love them). (Why am I just hearing about this now?)

8. 3. 20 years and going strong.

9. 2. I Want it that Way … seriously, can ANYBODY listen to this song and not feel driven to flick your bic and hold it high while you sway.

10. 1. Everybody …. Could be the national anthem for any music savvy nation. (I'm legitimately at a loss for words here.)



Since dad seems to have such a huge love for Everybody, that is what we are going to #backthatazzup with the fabulous Ms. Whitney today for some #backthatazzupFriday

A Not So Flawless Plan

My parents got home yesterday, after being away for about 6 weeks.
Today I've got a guest blog post written by my dad... in honor of them being back on Canadian soil.
Today, Peter is sharing a story from my childhood, so without further adieu..
My comments in dad's post are in this color.
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All kids have some word or skill that simply eludes them.
For my sister or I (can't remember who), it was the word "Montreal" … it used to come out "UntreeMall."
For a friend of mine, he couldn't snap his fingers.

For Faith, it was knowing her left from her right (she got that from her Mom - Deb still can't tell the difference).
We worked with Faith for months on this, but to no avail … left and right were just a jumbled concept in her head that never found a place to root.
Until she went to school.

When Faith entered Grade Primary I was like most fathers, wondering whether she would fall victim to the emotional trauma that had besieged her mother. I couldn't wait to hear how she made out and was grateful to hear stories about how much fun she had with the other kids and how great her teacher was. But I was completely unprepared for what followed; she had learned something.
Not just anything … but something of staggering significance. She learned how to tell her left from her right.
Of course I was skeptical because Debbie and I had worked tirelessly for months to do, what some stranger had supposedly done in one day of diluted time.
FYI - student:teacher ratios then were about 30:1.

"Really?" I challenged. "Show me."
"It's like this, Daddy. You hold up your hands like this."

(I've asked Faith to take a photo of her 24-year old hands demonstrating the pose … pretend you are looking at 5-year old hands).


Please excuse the most ridiculous picture... my dad "voluntold" me to do this.

"The hand that makes the letter "L" is the left … "L" for left."

This was brilliant. No, it was genius. I couldn't help but notice the gleam in my wife's eye. Simply because she now found, for herself, an absolutely flawless technique to help her escape those embarrassing moments when she betrayed her Faith-like ignorance of this essential life skill.
Whoa dad, that was the longest sentence, ever. I refused to re-write it, haha.

For the rest of that evening, I would ask Faith "show me left and right" to which she would robotically flip up her hands into position and nod at the letter "L" and then raise her left hand declaring, "This is left." We were so proud.
Deb was quietly excited for herself.
I absolutely love how much you keep calling out mom. I'm sure you're winning brownie points for this, good job.

What I haven't told you is that we had done a lot of reading on the subject and apparently this is a not-so-rare challenge out there. Thousands of people struggle with knowing their left from their right. And hundreds of authors have sought the holy grail of handedness … a foolproof way of establishing orientation.
As a physicist, I can appreciate the importance of understanding things like directional or rotational orientation.
There are basic laws which appeal to knowing right from left, such as the right-hand screw rule (look it up if you are interested). In weather we use terms like "cyclonic" to describe rotation but have an anchoring standard to resort to for explanation … counter-clockwise (I pity the coming generations who will never see an analog clock).
But for right and left there is no anchor … there is no standard reference to help us. Or so I thought, until now.
Faith's teacher was simply a genius … this was flawless.

The family had a good night sleep. Upon waking the next morning, I couldn't wait for Faith to wake up and take a pop-quiz to ensure that she retained her newfound knowledge (how could she not). Dad, would you have still loved me if I hadn't remembered? (just kidding)
The moment she emerged from her bedroom I called her to me, with proud chest, outstretched arms and an ear-to-ear smile, I said "show me your left."
In Pavlovian response, her hands flipped up into position as she declared "The hand that makes the letter "L" is the left … "L" is for left."


Too bad I was too dumb to remember how to hold my hands properly.


Oh dad, thanks for this. Don't worry, I still love you.

Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful..

Happy Tuesday, dear blog world.

As most if you know by now, from reading his guest blog posts, that my dad was a meteorologist for 30+ years. I say was, because he recently retired... that lucky duck.

Growing up in a household with a meteorologist I was brain washed told that any forecast that didn't come from Environment Canada was wrong. To me, 'The Weather Network' sucks - but I suppose I have my opinion is bias.

Because I'm such a weirdo, I will often compare various forecasts to Environment Canada's forecast just to see f they were 'close' or see if I can trust what their forecast says. They're usually 'pretty' close but just for piece of mind (and so that I'm not disowned by my dad) I will always reference EC's website.

At work we have this webpage that basically works like 'intranet' meaning its only for internal use in the company. It's called the Portal and it's where all of our documents/files are kept. On the Portal's homepage they have the top new articles, stock info, and (as I'm sure you've guessed) the weather...

This lovely little weather widget is run by a company called 'Accu-Weather'. Oh my goodness. Their forecasts, oh, their forecasts. They are horrible. But horribly funny - so it's fine.

Over the past couple of months, I've taken screen caps of a few forecasts that I've found slightly amusing. Oh, in case you're wondering, I'm not the only one at work who has noticed how outrageous these forecasts are.


'Breezy with rain' - so helpful.
'Cloudy with a little rain' - so should I just bring a little umbrella?
'Mostly cloudy, rain ending' - when is the rain ending? Will I need my umbrella at 4:00pm when I'm off work?
Yep, these are legit forecasts. Not so bad, but okay... we'll look at some more.


'Mostly cloudy, showers around' - What does this even mean?!
Also, note that they use the same icon for 'Clear and Chilly', 'Partly Cloudy', and 'Mainly Clear'.


'A Passing Shower or Two' - what does that even mean? How long does one shower last? Can I really expect there to be "two" showers?
'Most cloudy, showers around' - we've already covered how I felt about this one.
'Clouds breaking' - looks like it's still raining to me...


'Partly Cloudy with a Shower' - okay, just one shower? Umbrella? or just a jacket with a hood?
'Partly Cloudy' - Looks partly sunny to me.


'Partly Cloudy' - Uh, if it's just cloudy, why is it raining in the picture?
'A Stray Evening Shower' - Okay, so it's a "stray" shower? Does that mean it doesn't have a home?
'Cloudy With Rain Tapering Off' - Tapering off? Okay..


'Occasional rain and drizzle' - Okay, so this must call for an 'occasional' umbrella - right?


'A Shower Early; Partly Cloudy' - A shower early? Early in the morning? Early afternoon? Early evening?
'Becoming Cloudy' - Uh, okay... when? When is it Becoming Cloudy.
'Cloudy with a Little Rain' - How much is a little rain? How much cloud do I have before the rain starts?

Okay, so maybe I'm a little crazy for posting so many screenshots - but this is what I read at work every day, it makes me laugh. When I first showed these pictures to my roommate, she suggested that the forecast was being done by a 70-year old man sitting on his front porch, looking at the sky. Yep, Amanda, that sounds about right to me. Haha.

Also, in other news. For the month of May, I've decided to join this team in losing weight:

M-I-A-M-I

M-I-A-M-I

Today I've got another 'Retirement Ramblings' post for you from my dad, Peter.


No, not about Kourtney & Kim in Miami.

My-Ami

In 1993 our family went on a trip of a lifetime. I was given approval to go to Miami for 2-weeks of training at the US National Hurricane Center. It didn't take long for the family to decide that we'd make this the vacation to end all vacations. We tacked on an additional week to spend in Orlando and do the theme-park thing (Disney - Universal Studios - you name it).

For a couple of months all we talked about was our upcoming trip to Disneyworld and Miami. The anticipation was delicious. My Mom also joined us on that historic trip … we made a deal with her that we would pay for her to come with us if she would look after both kids on 3 or 4 of the evenings over the 3+ weeks so that Deb and I could go out for date-nights. Faith was 4 years old at the time and her brother, Christian, was 6. We drove down from Halifax, through the storm of the century (look it up if you don't believe it … the March '93 Superstorm is actually categorized by North American meteorologists as the real "storm of the century.") Needless to say we were idiots to drive through that weather, but hey, we weren't going to pass up a chance to go to Florida when my office was paying for the travel.



For 2 months we talked about the trip. Disney and Miami - Disney and Miami - that's all we talked about. On the 3-4 day drive through the storm and all the way down I-95, all we talked about was Disney and Miami - Disney and Miami. We were as excited as the kids were.

Toward the end of our Disney week Faith and Granny were talking about the rest of the week and the 2 weeks that would follow. My Mom said something along the lines, "It will be even hotter in Miami." To which Faith responded …. "Granny, how long until we go to YOUR-ami!"



This is one of those cute family stories we still cherish (right up there with Faith's reaction to meeting Minnie Mouse that same week - which is a story for another day).

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I will leave you with one last gem... My brother and I holding parrots. Oh yes.

I've always had a colourful personality

Happy Tuesday, lovelies.

Last night I was looking on Instagram and noticed that my pictures have been pretty colourful lately. I love posting my #OOTD (outfit of the day) a lot lately, and I have to smile at all of the colour in my wardrobe. I can't help but think that my grandmother would be so happy to see my daily outfits.

For the longest time my wardrobe mainly consisted of black, and grey. About two years ago I started incorporating purple, but that was it. My grandmother didn't like seeing anyone in black, especially not her granddaughter. I can't tell you how many times that sweet woman asked me to wear pink, red, or blue and I would just laugh.
'I don't look good in colour' I'd tell her, but she'd just shrug and smile.


These are clothes that I now own...

Last year my grandmother passed away. She made it clear that absolutely nobody could attend her funeral wearing black (also, it wasn't a funeral - it was a celebration of her life). I got the news that she had passed, packed my bags, hopped on a flight, and flew across the country (6,000+km) in about 10 hours. Once I got to Nova Scotia, my dad made it absolutely clear that I was not allowed to wear black to the funeral. I only brought black pants and jeans back to Nova Scotia. No Black, okay... jeans it was. Now for shirts, I only had black shirts. 'A-Ha!', I found a black and white floral shirt. My dad said it wasn't acceptable, so I went shopping and bought a bright pink ruffled tank top, and a bright blue ruffled tank top. I work the pink tank top and jeans (I know, it doesn't sound right) to my grandmothers celebration. Despite the fact that it wasn't what you would normally classify as 'appropriate' to wear when somebody passes away - I knew that Granny would have been happy that I wasn't in black.

Fast forward three months to the day that I fell in love with coloured pants. I found red jeans at the store and decided 'Why not?. I quickly became obsessed with coloured pants, and I started buying numerous pairs. I can't even remember the last time I bought normal jeans. This addiction honestly came out of nowhere and now (on a daily basis) I'm wearing Coral, Mint Green, Fuchsia, etc... I love it, and I know Granny would be so happy.

A couple of said outfits:




Anyway, the whole point of this post was to say:
Apparently I've always had a colourful personality and my family has known it my whole life.
This is a quick story that my dad wrote about me when I was a kid:

Side-note: Dad asked me to title this story 'Duh'.

When Faith was 3 or 4, her older brother was being a bit chippy with Debbie and I about something. Faith sat quietly (and joyfully) as we chastised him for his poor behaviour. He retorted, as kids are want to do, that his sister didn’t get the same treatment and that he was being singled out … that she was somehow, favoured(Obviously I was your favourite child, dad). We assured them both that we were consistent and fair.
He couldn’t let it go and persisted in a highly sarcastic tone, “Faith is so perfect and never gets in trouble, but I always get yelled at...” We chided his attitude and told him to stop being sarcastic.

“Well at least I understand what that means. I bet Faith doesn’t even understand what sarcasm is.” Then looking at her, he taunted in the most sarcastic of voices, “Do you?”
We had to stifle our snickers as she, with comedian-like timing, did a perfect imitation of a teenage Valley-girl as she tossed her hair and twisted her little body with hand on hip and said, “Duh!”


Yep – she understands sarcasm.

I think what we take from this story is that I've always had an understanding of sarcasm and I most definitely have always had a colourful personality.

The customer is always right.

Title Correction: The customer is always the customer.

Sometimes customers can be real jerks, and you wish you could yell at them - but you can't. So instead, you act as polite as possible, and the second you hang up the phone, you look a little something like this:



Today's blog is brought to you by my daddy for another 'episode' of Retirement Ramblings.

Being newly retired I've been enjoying some fond trips down memory lane (in my head, of course). This morning I recalled four funny stories, all from the mid to late 1980s when I worked at the weather office in Bedford, NS. I thought I would share:

I got a call from a man who wanted to know the water temperature at Lawrencetown beach, along the eastern shore of Nova Scotia. Canada was still in its infancy with the metric system and we were required to ask our citizens which units they wanted. Being a good and dutiful public servant I responded by asking him, "would you like that in Celsius or Fahrenheit?" He cheerfully replied, "Oh it doesn't really matter, I'm quite comfortable with both sets of units … but I guess you can give it to me in kilometres." I gave him the Celsius number but choked back the laughter while wondering if the number would mean anything to him at all.

Sometimes our citizens (clients) humble us with their confidence in our abilities. A meteorological colleague in Ontario once summed up his job perfectly, "Peter, my job is to manage expectations."

He is spot on. We all know that it's the national pastime to roast the weatherman and make small talk about how weather forecasts are useless.
The reality is that the majority of people have an unrealistic expectation of our capacity. Case in point … one of the guys received a call in February inquiring about detailed weather conditions in New Brunswick in July. Well the only credible information that is possible 5 months in advance is a climatological perspective about what happens on average, so my coworker provided this generic, but still useful, information.
The citizen picked up that the weather expert was not providing an authoritative nor definitive answer about what the day would behold, meteorologically speaking. He tried convincing this citizen that such details were beyond the scope of reality. The citizen really didn't buy it but acquiesced to a generic answer. An hour later my buddy had a similarly ludicrous call inquiring about detailed weather in June in PEI. Everyone in the office had a long chat about the unrealistic expectations that exist out there in the public.
The final straw though was a call from a woman who was helping her daughter plan her wedding. The daughter was getting married on the 3rd Saturday in August in Halifax (yes … about 6 months into the future) and she wanted to know what the weather would be like in Halifax. Without hesitation our expert questioned, "what time will the wedding be?"
Needless to say the rest of us were rolling on the floor.

Retirement Ramblings Part II

Happy Hump Day!

I know I told you all last week that dad was going to be posting for my once a month, or every few weeks... but I really felt like this story needed to be shared sooner rather than later. This is a situation that happened to my dad in the Spring of 2010. He sent this EXACT e-mail to everyone in my family and I remember laughing so hard and forwarding it to a few of my colleagues immediately. Enjoy!

Take it away Daddy!

*P.S. Sorry for the ridiculous gif's dad, I thought they added a little pizzazz*

I thought I'd share a workplace adventure that took place in April 2012. Here is a post-adventure email that I sent to the facilities manager at my workplace.

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Date: April, 2012
From: Peter Bowyer
To: Everyone

Subject: Washroom Debacle

While I had noticed the modifications that have been made to the men's washroom, I had never taken particular care to observe the subtle details of the workings of those changes.

As in dozens (hundred?) of times before, I entered the washroom and observed that my entering triggered the interior lights to come on. The purpose of my visit required the use of a stall. While involved in a spell of brief contemplation I observed that the main lights went out, clearly as a result of a timer. No worries as the emergency lighting was still on. This did not afford much lighting in the stall, however, much lightning was not required.

While engaged in contemplation someone else came into the washroom, thereby, enabling the full washroom lighting once again. His (I assume it was a male) sojourn was brief and he left. Within a brief period the main lightning extinguished, leaving me in the once-again dim glow of the emergency lighting.

Apparently, my "contemplation" period exceeded the scheduled tolerance because while I was still in-stalled, the emergency lights also timed out (unfortunately, I wasn't looking at my watch to know what the end of the tolerance window was). As well, since I chose to not take my blackberry with me in order to enjoy a purer form of contemplation, I was in pitch blackness … no blackberry light was available to come to my rescue.

Having been somewhat observant in the weeks leading up to today's adventure, I had noticed a device in the upper corner of the washroom, and had wondered if it was either a motion or sound detector. I clapped my hands; it was not a sound detector. Blackness prevailed.

Unfortunately, I was a particularly undignified stage of my business rendering me incapable of standing in order to wave my arms to test if the device was a motion detector. Waving my feet out of the stall door was ineffective and my conclusion was that perhaps motion needed to happen at a higher level. So, in the dark, I extracted a toilet paper roll from the newly installed dispenser (one which I had never closely examined … so the extraction was a non-trivial process in the dark). Once extracted, I tossed it in the air in such a way that it would trip the potential motion-detector, and then fall straight back into my awaiting arms (in the dark). Here's where the adventure occurred … it was the only roll in the stall … and my stage of business demanded that I not lose hold of this particular roll.

The story had a happy ending because, sure enough, the device was a motion detector. The ascending roll turned on the lights in time for me to see the descending roll so that I could confidently catch it. Happily, everything came out all right (pun intended).

Lessons learned?

Take your BB with you to the washroom even if you seek pure contemplation … you never know when a little light will come in handy.

Study the toilet paper dispenser carefully in the light in the event that you need to make a roll-extraction in the dark.

Practice throwing toilet paper rolls so that they go straight up and come straight back down.

Observe multiple sequences of the twin-lightning timers in order to know confidently what the windows of tolerance (opportunity) actually are.

Train yourself to complete all business within those windows of opportunity.

Work is never a dull place if you're open to adventure! But I do wonder if our search for efficiency has gone just a tad too far?

Retirement Ramblings Part I

Happy Hump Day lovelies!

My dad sent me an e-mail last week - now that he is newly retired, he has a little bit more time on his hands to do the things he never used to be able to do. He told me that he read all of my blog posts and loved everything that I had written so far (aww, thanks daddy) - he then asked if he could write a guest blog post. Of course I immediately said yes - and then we decided that he would do a guest blog post at least once a month. He's got a ton of funny stories to share from his 30+ years working for Environment Canada.

Without further adieu, here is dad's first ever blog post:

Spreadsheets Tell You the Ugly Truth

I love spreadsheets.

Seriously, I’m a spreadsheet guy. Call it what you will: quirkiness; misguided interest; signs of a misspent youth; character flaw; or just plain lame. I love spreadsheets. While others engage in hobbies like sports, gambling, knitting, reading, driving, and movie-going, I play with spreadsheets.
More on this later.

So at the beginning of each year the municipal tax office sends me my property tax assessment. This includes a statement of what they believe to be the retail value of my house as well as the assessed value for tax purposes. They swear (and have done for the 3 decades we have owned houses) that there is no link between property tax and house assessment. They seriously must think we’re idiots. OF COURSE there is a link. Duh!

Anyway, we just got our assessment and I was, well, shocked … in an ecstatic kind of way. I know what we paid for the house … and with some mental arithmetic (not math … just arithmetic) I determined that, if they were right, then our assets had increased by $145,300 in just 8½ years. Wahoo! That’s an impressive average gain of just over $17,000 per year. I imagined myself trying to build up a savings account at that rate. I imagined having a savings account at all.

Now I’m an optimist. Not a goofy Pollyanna kind of optimist, but a results-based optimist. The difference between the two is that a results-based optimist is one who believes that things can and will get better, but he believes that while accepting the stark reality of the world in which he lives. I don’t look at the world through rose-coloured glasses. My career as a science guy has bred into me a healthy respect for data … and data are neither positive nor negative … they are just data. And where there are data, there is a grand use for spreadsheets.

I decided to put my spreadsheet hobby to use and create an elegantly simple construction of a cells and formulae that would calculate for me the reality (the truth) of my newfound assets, after weighing in the not-so-hidden liabilities inevitable when choosing a house over an apartment. We begin with my mortgage payments, averaging about $1200/month since we bought our house … a price that is comparable to the rent of a decent 2/3-bedroom apartment with underground parking. With the monthly mortgage payments swapping out for the rent, I pondered what other costs there have been that were unique to owning my house … costs that would have never arisen had we been renting an apartment. Turns out there were a few, all of which I fired into the spreadsheet.

The first one that came to mind was the water heater which chose to burst on December 22 … yes 3 days before Christmas … which set us back $740 to replace. If we had been in an apartment we would have never seen that cost. Next I thought about the $4,169 that we spent 18 months earlier to replace the furnace when it had given out. And of course that quickly reminded me of the $8,263 and $9,335 that we spent only a year before that to replace the roof and windows, respectively. Now I was on a roll: there was the $5,647 for new appliances since moving in and $1,800 for replacing a couple of those already (they just don’t make stuff like they used to); there was the $12,000 to turn an unfinished basement into fully finished; and of course the $10,000 in other renovations and home improvements along the way (paint, flooring and counter-tops aren’t cheap).



Phew … my profits were vanishing before my eyes. That’s when I started thinking about the routine stuff that an apartment dweller would never see, such as the $4,800 on lawn care that I’ve coughed up in the 8.5 years, not to mention the $33,600 in property taxes that my municipal government dogmatically declares is unconnected to my property value. Then my wife Debbie said, “and don’t forget the extra costs for power, oil and water that we pay compared to those lucky apartment people!” Crap! Even if I guestimated a monthly utility for apartment dwellers to be $150, my total costs for just those 3 “amenities” EXCEEDS theirs by another $25,249. I was quickly becoming a lapsed optimist. That’s when the dark side got hold of me and I started nickel-and-diming my “good fortune” to the point where I estimated that I’ve likely spent $800 in additional gas because of the idling in my driveway each year while I clear the ice and snow from my car windshield … something that underground parking would negate.

The final bit of reality hit when it occurred to me that in order to realize any of these “assets” I would need to sell my house in order to liberate said-equity. MLS listing fees are 6% (sure, you can do better, but experience says that the quickest and best sales come with the benefits of those fees). I intentionally withheld my assessed “retail value” until now: $400,100. The 6% fees on a full-price sale would be $24,006.

If you have taken the trouble to use even an abacus (you don’t need a fancy spreadsheet for this) you already know that my net profit on the house sits not at $145,300 … but rather, at an incredibly depressing $4,931!

Are you kidding me? That’s what I get for the 510 hours of renovations that I have personally put into the house … and the 300 hours of lawn care (35 hrs/year) … and the 120 hours of snow shoveling (15 hrs/year) … and the 52 hrs of windshield snow/ice clearing (30 min/week during the winter months) … and the 442 hrs of additional cleaning that a 4000+ sq.ft. house required over an apartment?

My wicked spreadsheet taunted me with the ridiculous reality that we put 1424 of extra house-only hours into a house that has netted us $4,931, for an effective wage of $3.46/hour. My final salary before retirement was 15x that … and my consulting fees are already coming in at more than 40x that.

I told Deb that my daughter is a genius because she lives in an apartment and that we need to do the same. ASAP!!!!!! (superfluous exclamation marks for effect) She said, “you’ve been playing on your spreadsheets again, haven’t you? Why don’t you take a break from that for a while because the snow’s really coming down and you need to go out and start shoveling?”

Before putting on my boots and gloves I went and deleted Excel from my computer and punched the monitor.



I hate spreadsheets.

25 Before I'm 25

After my last birthday (October 1st), I realized that I had one year left until I was 25. Twenty-five. I know that isn't an 'old' age, but I feel as though it's pretty significant. I'll be a quarter of a century old! Whoa.

Anyway, I decided to create a list of 25 things to do before I'm 25. Some things were big, some were small - but I honestly think that all of the items are do-able. I'm not huge on making lists public, so I won't be posting those 25 things here today, but I've decided that as I check items off my list, I'm going to make a blog post about what I've completed.

So far I've only checked off one thing - but it's one of my most exciting/fun items:

Take dad on a helicopter ride

This is something that my dad has literally wanted to do, his entire life. Last summer, Amanda and I were fortunate enough to go on a quick helicopter ride around Vancouver and it was absolutely amazing. I promised myself that the next time my dad came out to Vancouver for business, I would find a way to get him up in a helicopter. Low and behold, dad found out that he got to have one last business trip (last of his career - since he's now retired) to Vancouver in November - so Amanda and I started planning this trip.

Luckily, the Friday that he was here, I was able to take a vacation day and this is when we made it happen. I convinced dad to postpone his flight one extra day and I told him I just wanted to have a nice day with him before he headed back to Halifax.

So, I picked him up first thing in the morning, went for breakfast and then we headed to the helipad downtown. Once dad realized what was happening, he started freaking out. I honestly don't think that I've ever seen my dad so excited about anything in my entire life. Seriously.

Unlike the little 'trip around Vancouver' flight that Amanda and I did, Dad and I went to Victoria and back. We had the most gorgeous, uncharacteristically beautiful, Vancouver day. We landed in Victoria, where Dad had never been, walked around downtown and hung out for a couple of hours, and then hopped on another helicopter to head back to Vancouver.

It seriously was one of the most amazing days I've ever had. I love my dad and I miss being able to see him (and my mom) every day, but I feel so fortunate that I got to share this and have this moment with him. Here are a few pictures that I took that day:

Our helicopter

Look at how excited he is!!

Downtown Vancouver

The gorgeous Empress hotel in downtown Victoria.

So there we have it, the first thing off my 25 Before 25 List: Take Dad on a helicopter ride.

Have a great weekend everyone - see you Monday!