FaceTime All The Friends

HAPPY FRIDAY!
It's been a hot minute (or five) since I've linked up with my favorite little Yoga Pants Princess for some #backthatazzupFriday action. But I'm baaaaaack.
This week I have been jamming out BIG TIME to some Miley Cyrus... I didn't think that would ever happen, but this song is just too catchy. I've been having dance parties for one, and running my butt off to this song since I heard it.



Now that I've got some tunes blasting and I'm staring at a blank page that I need to fill with words... and pictures... and more words... lets get this blog post started.

FaceTime.
FaceTime FaceTime FaceTime. It's really such a marvelous invention, and it's kind of fun to say.


If Barney Stintson had FaceTime this wouldn't have happened.

I'm going to make myself sound like a 79 year old man who is seeing a T.V. for the first time, but technology these days is pretty snazzy. I'm a fan. I'm not going to bore you with too many words today, because who likes words? Well, I guess I like words since I write a blog... but you know what I mean. I digress. FACETIME.
Every time I use it, I feel like it's magic, and I'm part of the world of wizardry... or like a Jetson... or something.
I just feel special, okay?

I'm going to make a list, because I like lists and lists are A-OK in my book. I don't know how many things I'll list, so lets just not turn this into a numbers game right now because I don't need that added stress in my life - okay? Okay.
So lets see, here are <insert random number> reasons why I like FaceTime (and Skype and Google Hangouts):

• When you're on the other side of the country, you can pretend like you're at home for big events, like Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Games Nights, etc. I have FaceTimed or Skyped into most family dinners or parties that happen back home when I'm not there. #favoritechild





• It proves that I'm not being catfished by other bloggers. It could happen, you never know. But at least I know it's not happening to me with these fine ladies...


Took JULIETTE'S (like how I used CAPS, J?) FaceTime virginity. Boom.


FaceTiming with Brin is one of my favorite things. This time was extra special because we also FaceTimed with Allie and it was the best thing, ever.


Then Allie visited Brin in Nebraska and I got to see them both AT THE SAME TIME ON ONE SCREEN #jealous



• Google Hangouts is like a cool version of FaceTime because I can see my favorites AT THE SAME TIME.
  

Brin and Allie in the same screen, and Sami-Cakes



• FaceTiming with people who are drinking = HILARIOUS.





• PEOPLE WILL BE SILLY AND MAKE FUNNY FACES WITH YOU (yes, this deserved caps because it's amazing).
  




• Even though it's freakin' awesome, it sometimes has a downside or two...
  

Sometimes people aren't as excited to see you, as you are to see them...


Sometimes peoples just don't pick up when you call. It's sad.

Thanks to everyone for being such good and willing participants (they were all victims of random screenshots, and they didn't know it was happening). I have probably 1,001 other screenshots of fantastic FaceTime conversations with other people, but a girl has to keep a few secrets, even if she has a blog where she shares far too many details about her life. Allie, I'm keeping these secrets from you and there's nothing you can do about it. Ha.

I never know how to end blog posts, it's always so abrupt and it feels like I'm going to end it mid sente..

Twenty-Five Things You Should Know

Well, today I'm 25...
(Insert awkward smile emoji face here).

For some reason, I really have this issue in my head with turning 25...
25 is a quarter of a century and that number just sounds BIG.

I know I've been MIA the past little while, my bad about that. My parents are currently in town for a visit - so this may be my only post for the week, but I'll be back soon!

I've decided to try and come up with 25 things that all 25-year old's should know.

• One. What goes up, must come down.
  This one feels kind of self-explanatory, but I didn't know about this until I spit in the air, and it came back down and landed in my eye. True story.
  
  
• Two. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
  Oh, Newton - you're kind of a jerk for this one... but it's true. I learned this lesson by slamming a revolving door.
  
  



• Three. Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real.
  This is one that I learned a few years ago - and it's one of my favorite pieces of advice. Everyone should remember this one. Most of the time, our fears are not real - it's just false evidence appearing real that scares us. Try and allow yourself to overcome this.
  
  
• Four. Always follow your gut.
  Seriously, it's never wrong. The few times that I haven't followed my gut, I have made the wrong decisions. Like that first date where the guy stole my phone charger - 100% avoidable if I had just trusted my gut.
  
  
• Five. The source of most of your frustrations and anxiety are the result of living in the future, or the past.
  Stop living in the past and stop worrying about the future. Only worry about the present and what's here now and what you can manage and take care of.
  
  
• Six. You don't always have to be right, but you should always do the right thing.
  This one is hard, but it's the best piece of advice you can ever pass on to your children, and your children's children, and their children's children. Just try and remember to do this.
  
  



• Seven. Haters gon' hate, potaters gon' potate.
  I try and use this piece of advice for my friends when they're dealing with awkward situations with 'haters'. Let the haters hate, and if you just want to be depressed about it... eat some delicious taters instead. Who doesn't love some taters? Mashed taters, baked taters, tater tots... they're all good. Don't tell me they're not because I'll tell you that you're full of lies.
  
  
• Eight. There’s always some truth behind ‘just kidding,’ knowledge behind ‘I don’t know,’ emotion behind ‘I don’t care,’ and pain behind: ‘It’s okay.’ So pay close attention to how people feel.
  I don't think that this one needs an explanation, like at all.
  
  
• Nine. You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
  I'm getting a little deep here today - deep like the water, ha. Pun intended.
  
  



• Ten. You can’t please everyone.
  “I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.
  This man knows about JELLO, so I mean, obviously I trust him. But seriously - the sooner you realize that you'll never please everyone, the better.
  
  
• Eleven. Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.
  Try and think about things before you react, I promise that it makes a huge difference.
  
  
• Twelve. Life is like a party.
  Party like it's 1999. Or whenever. Just live life like a party and I'll be in the corner sipping on my double-vodka diet cokes. kaythanks.
  
  
• Thirteen. Never struggle to chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.
  I'm mainly trying to remind myself of this one. It's a valuable lesson that I've learned numerous times over and over again. Love, affection, and attention just don't matter if you have to beg for it.
  
  



• Fourteen. Embrace your weirdness.
  If you're weird, just go with it and let it happen. Who wants to be normal? Not me. If you've ever gotten a snapchat from me or looked at my instagram feed, you'll know that I fully embrace my weirdness. The weirder, the better.
  
  
• Fifteen. Giving up and moving on are two very different things.
  This one took me a long time to learn and its something that I try and remind myself of whenever I am in a situation where I need to 'move on' or 'give up'.
  
  
• Sixteen. Honesty is the best policy.
  ...unless you find a policy that involves unciorns, glitter, rainbows, and lollipops. That would be the best policy ever, and beats honesty every time.
  
  
• Seventeen. Music is good for the soul.
  Maybe it's just me, but I haven't met a problem or a life situation that I haven't been able to handle/tackle/deal with that couldn't be fixed or helped by listening to music.
  
  
• Eighteen. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
  I feel like this is a good piece of advice, and it's a piece of advice that I'm actively taking... clearly. Because I'm clearly always single and not 'ready'.
  
  
• Nineteen. Trying to be cool or following trends is for mindless sheep.
  This follows my other post about embracing your weirdness. Don't be a follower, and don't be a sheep. Who wants to be a sheep? I mean, yeah - they're cute and fluffy and they're all like 'baaaaaa', but no. Be yourself.
  
  



• Twenty. Dance everyday.
  I literally have a dance party everyday, and it makes my life a lot better. How can you be sad or in a bad mood when you're dancing? I'll give you a hint... you can't.
  
  



• Twenty-One. Patience is a virtue.
  I'm going to thank Mr. Miagi for this one - and my dad. Sometimes it sucks to have to be patient in life - but it's for the best. Wax on, wax off.
  
  
• Twenty-Two. When I lost all of my excuses, I found all of my results.
  This one is completely about my weight-loss. It took me 24 years to learn the importance of this and to learn to not make excuses for things anymore. It's something that I continue to work on - Every. Single. Day - but I can assure you that you'll never get ahead by making excuses all the time.
  
  
• Twenty-Three. Never let one bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.
  Been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt. It's not worth it to go down that dark road. If you're having a bad day, just have a bad day and don't start questioning your whole life - you literally gain nothing and do nothing beneficial for yourself by doing this.
  
  
• Twenty-Four. You can grow stronger from the pain if you don’t let it destroy you.
  Except if you get kicked in the nuts. I obviously don't know this from experience - but I've heard that getting kicked in the nuts is pretty painful.
  
  
• Twenty-Five. The only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come.
  Except if you have to do a shoulder check when you're driving, or if you need to walk backwards, or if someone behind you shouts your name. But other than these exact excuses, just don't look back. Physically or metaphorically. The past 24 years have been amazing and today begins the journey of the rest of my life from my Quarter Life onwards.
  
  

Captain America, Pirates, and Jesus

So last night I was browsing the interwebz for a while - searching through mugshots. No, seriously.
I'm not going to name any names, but a friend wanted help trying to see if someone has been arrested and if they were/are currently on parole. During my search I came across some truly interesting mugshots, and I was encouraged to share some of this hilariousness... so here we go.


If I was a police officer, this is the EXACT way that I would make my grand entrance when busting someone.

Friendly Reminder: If you are arrested, your mugshot is able to be viewed by the public. There are public records, your picture is posted online, and if your mugshot is amusing - it could end up on a blog.
So don't do dumb shit don't get caught.

Captain Amurrrica


This guy is my favorite. This one is just too good. He was arrested for allegedly distributing Xanax on July 4th. At least homeboy is patriotic, I'll give him that.



Captain Jack Sparrow Meth


He's a pirate. Well, at least he thinks he's a pirate. He has fully committed to this lifestyle with those tattoos, so at least he is passionate about something. Unfortunately, he was also really passionate about meth.



Kangaroo Jack


He looks really creepy - but this poor guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was kind enough to return a lost driver's license that he had found, only to be promptly arrested for being in possession of a pipe used for smoking marijuana. Karma just wasn't on his side, at least he has a kangaroo on his face to cheer him up. I'd also like to point out that he's possibly naked under the vest (which just so happens to be the same color as his skin).



"Pep" the dog


This is real life. This poor dog, Pep, was arrested. Why? You ask. Well, it seems like Pep got a little hungry and ate the governor's wife's cherished cat. I'm not kidding you in the slightest bit right now. Pep served a life sentence without parole.



Jesus 'James' Christ


At first glance, you might think that this is an 'accurate depiction' of Jesus, to clarify - you'd be right. Apparently 'James' was arrested for impersonating Jesus. No James, you are Jesus... I'm convinced. Someone left a comment on this arrest post saying 'What if this really is Jesus? What if the first time we crucified and killed him and this time we arrested him?' Touche random concerned citizen, lets just hope that James is really just James, and not in fact Jesus. However, if I'm wrong and the man arrested is, in fact, Jesus... well I guess I'm sorry Jesus. I think I just said Jesus 10x. Jesus.

To summarize - if you get arrested, I will find your mugshot, and if you look crazy, I'll probably make fun of you. Again, don't do dumb shit DON'T GET CAUGHT.

5 selfies you should have on your phone

Oh hey, Tuesday.
I'm not going to lie, I was pretty stoked to not have to work yesterday. Thank you Canada for an extra holiday weekend. Sorry to all of you Americans who worked yesterday. But today is my 'Monday' so don't feel too mad.

So last night I was preparing a post (which I I will share later this week) and got distracted by the selfies that I saw uploading from my phone to my computer. Fun fact: I'm guilty of taking super cool selfies. Seriously, I can't even.
So just sit back, relax, and take note of these 5 trendy seflies poses.

Warning: This post contains so much cool, it hurts. Just call me Cool Ethan.
If anyone actually knows what movie Cool Ethan is from, you are my new best friend.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Here are 5 Selfies you should have on your phone.



ONE. Duck face. Everybody HATES this face, but people keep doing it. I mean, only some people - like me - can pull it off. I'm pretty sure I nailed it.

TWO. Model. Everybody loves to strike their best model pose. I mean, purse those lips and smize, girl, smize. I'm pretty sure Tyra Banks would love this. Sierra and I should teach a modelling 101 class.



THREE. Token mirror shot. I'm pretty sure if you don't have a picture in the mirror, you're not cool. Some people take pictures in the bathroom - some in a dressing room, I opt for my super little and super dusty mirror that sits on my desk. This is the new trend, you're welcome. Just kidding, but seriously.

Some people take mirror shots like this [left], but I like my way [right].



FOUR. Look at my pet! Everyone posts pictures with their animals - dog, cats, even bunny rabbits. Since Roscoe refuses to take a nice picture with me, I took pictures with my other pet. I mean look at that thing, it's big enough to be a small dog. Eww, gross. Mr. Spider is gone now, so it's all good.

This is as close as I've gotten to getting a picture with Roscoe [left], so I settled for this.. [right].



FIVE. Cute-Funny face. Every girl needs to have a 'funny face' picture. It shows your fun and cute side. I'm clearly really good at making myself look cute.



*disclaimer: this entire post was a joke. if you couldn't tell that, then I'm sorry but you suck at sarcasm. I'll be the first to admit that I take too many selfies. So I'm pretty sure that I should create a Match.com profile and use all of these pictures, right now. Yep.
See you all tomorrow.

Why You Should #backthatazzup in California

HAPPY MOTHER-LOVIN' FRIDAY, FRIENDS.
Sorry, I just got really excited for a hot minute. But I'm not really that excited because it means that my vacation is coming to an end.. oh well.

I have one last fabulously fantastic friend (I'm using all the F-words for Friday) who has written a guest post for all of you today. I love this girl, I just do.. and you'll quickly see why.

Juliette is SO going to hate me for this, but here is the e-mail that she sent with the guest post:

Faith. I don't know why this was so freaking hard. I mean I feel like I need three drinks to get over the stress of writing it. Just kidding, I just want three drinks. Ok fine I want five drinks. If you hate it you don't have to use it. I might get drunk and send you seven more.
This is a prime example of why I enjoy her. Okay never mind, "enjoy" sounds creepy.. Moving on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, all of Faith's readers! I'm Juliette, and I'm usually over at The Other Juliette posting stories about how I can't flirt, the bad dates I've been on, and my obsession with googly eyes. This is me.

The lovely Faith asked me to write a guest post for her while she's off gallivanting on Canada's East Coast, so you're stuck with me today. I probably shouldn't tell you that this is the first guest post I've ever done, but oh look, here I am telling you anyway. Whoops. Let's just dive on in, ya ready? Faith told me recently that she really wants to go to California someday, and I just happen to live in California, so I'm trying to convince her to visit (move) here. So let's crank some tunes (because we're obviously linking up with Whitney and backing our azzes up) and talk about why Faith (and you!) should visit California; specifically the Central Coast.



-The beach. Duh. I love going to the beach on a Saturday morning and eating a Belgian waffle and drinking a mimosa. I mean, it's the best. Plus, in this area there isn't any traffic and you don't have to walk 5 miles to get to the water. Plus, alcohol affects you more if you're breathing salt air while you drink it. If you want proof you'll have to come here and I'll show you.

-Bubblegum Alley. It's pretty much just what it sounds like: a whole alley with chewed bubblegum covering both sides. It sounds gross, but you really need to see it. And if you love bubblegum like I do then you'll really like it. And when you come see it maybe we'll have to stick some googly eyes on some chewed up gum.

-Oprah called San Luis Obispo the happiest city in the country. Not even a lie.

-We have nine volcanic peaks. Really, they just look like hills and mountains, but they're volcanic peaks. How cool is that?

Are you convinced yet? Fine, I'll keep going.

-It's a college town so we have a lot of bars. And they're all within walking distance from each other, which is really convenient.

-I'm here. I mean, if you don't know me then this might not be a selling point, but just take Faith's word on it. I mean, she asked me to write this so she probably wants to come visit me, right?

That's all I have for now, because I think the song is ending soon. Don't worry, you'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming with Faith before you know it! But I hope you'll come visit me in my little corner of the interweb, because I'd love to see you!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You love her, right? How could you not? Go visit her blog right now and read her hilarious posts. Especially any post about googly eyes - those are my favorite.
I'll be back on Monday for some Vacation Shenanigans!

Things Sarah Has Faith In...

Hey blog, heyyyy.

I have a ridiculously wonderfully awesome treat for you today. I have Sarah on my blog today, and let me just tell you.. I love this girl. This post is pure gold and I completely and 100% agree with everything that she has written... and I, too, have faith in these things.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi faithful Faith readers!

(yes go ahead and brace yourself for a lot of that kind of annoying nonsense in this post)

I'm Sarah from Venus Trapped in Mars! You can call me Sarah, or Venus, or Maybe... any of those are fine. While Faith is gallivanting back in her home town this week, she asked me to say a few words. 

faith  

/fāTH/

Complete trust or confidence in something or someone.

So here are some things I always, and will always, have faith in...

If I don't start a diet on Monday, I may as well just binge eat for the next 7 days. Wednesday diet starters, what is that all about? If you start on Wednesday, then you are really only getting in two solid days of dieting because we all know Friday, Saturday and Sunday is a no go. So you may as well just wait until Monday. You wouldn't want to blow all of your Wednesday and Thursday progress, ya know?

Never fails. Just screaming crying. I have gotten to the point where I absolutely REFUSE to even watch the movie because it makes me so depressed for the next several hours. 

Yet they continue to get into a busy self checkout line. Why is this so difficult? Is it because it is a touch screen and not a typewriter? I assure you a typewriter is actually far more difficult to use than a touch screen. 

Step One: Scan rewards card

Step two: scan groceries

step three: place item in bagging area

Step four: pay

Why is that impossible for old people??? 

How my mind works on days I bring gym clothes to work with me, with the intention of working out. 

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour...

Do I want to go to the gym, do I want to go to happy hour... 

I hear stories about people who give up diet coke. How? How do you do that? They said they gave it up because there are so many chemicals, it can clean rust away, it will cause cancer.....

My response, "Oh well. Pass me another"

I don't travel that frequently for work, but when I do travel it is for very long periods of time. No hotel room has Bravo, ever. It is really very sad and I panic when I don't have the real housewives. Full on panic mode. In turn, I'm forced to stay off twitter because I will be sad when people start tweeting about how nuts Gretchen is or where Vicky is peeing this time. Stupid hotel rooms. 

Now that is something I can for sure always have Faith in! Come see me will ya???? 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------