weightloss is a rewarding struggle

It's basically like I'm writing this post "for the future" since it's Sunday afternoon and I decided to chill at Starbucks and get some writing done vs. waiting until the last possible minute and rushing something that would come out half-assed (how's that for a run-on sentence? ha). I haven't even written Monday's weekend recap post yet, but I wanted to write something a little more meaningful than what I spent my weekend doing. Anyway, I'm going to take things to a more 'serious' level today.

I haven't done any kind of health or fitness related post lately and I've had a few people mention to me that these kinds of posts are their favorite... So here I am. I'm not ready to talk about numbers with y'all... yet. But, I promise that I will do an actual post with numbers (meaning pounds lost, and possibly inches lost too) very soon. I am almost at a pretty huge milestone and as a celebratory post, y'all will get that kind of update.


It's crazy how much the shape of your face can change. I made this comparison for my dad this weekend.

So back in September, Amanda and I committed to doing a pretty intense 90-day challenge of cleaning eating, ramping up our workouts, and cutting out alcohol. I'm pleased to say that we have stuck with is, and we are almost 2/3 of the way finished. I'm not going to lie, we have splurged a few times and had a few "cheat meals" and an alcoholic beverage or two - but I am convincing myself not to feel bad about these choices.

I have learned a lot during this challenge, and I have learned what my body can handle and what it can't handle. Speaking of which, there isn't much that it can't handle. It's just the mentality that I "can't" do things. I'm doing things that I never thought I could do - physically and mentally - and trying to learn to try new things instead of convincing myself that I can't do them.


This picture totally stretched when I uploaded it... boo. But you still get the point.

Accountability, finding motivation, and dealing with the mental battle/struggles are the hardest parts of this journey for me. It's easy to get "down" on yourself and feel like you're not making good progress, or that one of your friends is losing weight faster (and seemingly easier) than you are. It's easy to tell yourself that you're not good enough and that you won't reach your goals. It's easy to hit snooze on the alarm and not get up and workout because "it's only one day, and one day doesn't count". It's easy to come home from work and not want to workout because you're tired and it was a long day at the office. It's easy to look in the mirror and see the same 'fat girl' staring back at you. The truth is that this whole journey and transformation isn't easy. It's hard. This is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done, but it is also the most amazing thing I've ever done for myself.

I have so much support behind me from family, friends, and even this blog, and I am so grateful for all of you every single day. However, most people don't see the struggles that I go through on a daily basis, or the amount of work I put into losing weight and exercising. I will get comments, texts, etc. from friends telling me that it must be nice to finally be "small" (which is not the truth, I'm only half way there). Telling me that they could never do it. Making comments about how easily I dropped the weight. Giving me excuses or reasons why I could lose weight, but they can't. Dealing with these kinds of comments and remarks is downright hard. This isn't a walk in the park for me.
I struggle. A lot.



I promised myself that I would be 100% open and honest about this entire journey, and I do my best to show that through my blog, Facebook, and instagram. I'm trying to be as real and honest with y'all as I possibly can. So let me reiterate all of this for you: this is hard.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not complaining or whining about the process. As hard as it is, and even though I have days where I want to quit, this is the best thing I've ever done and I'm loving every minute of it. If you are trying to lose weight, please don't compare yourself to me, or anyone else. If you're just starting out or if you have been doing it for a while - do not compare yourself to anyone except yourself. I find it easy to scroll through fitness accounts on instagram and give myself a hard time for not looking like those people. My way to avoid this is to remember how far I have come and how far I will have gone when I reach my goal weight. I compare myself to the 'old' me. Not anyone else.
But most importantly, I try and remember this quote:



I think I have rambled long enough, so I will leave you with this. Whether you are wanting to lose weight, just getting started, or have been doing this for a while: remember to believe in yourself and don't be so harsh on your progress. We all have to start somewhere. If you have any questions, or if you want help with ways to eat clean, exercise, or just to talk about wanting to lose weight or where you are in your journey right now - please feel free to reach out to me. I'd love to help in any way that I can.

Accountability is the key to success

Accountability.
[ack-count-ah-bill-it-eeeeee] (come on, you know how to say it).



I think that accountability is a huge thing in weight-loss... or at least it is for me.

I 'dreamed' of wanting to lose weight for years. I legitimately thought that one day I would wake up healthy, or wake up 'not fat' but never once did anything about it. There were numerous times that as I was sitting on the couch eating pizza on a Friday night, I would tell myself 'okay, on Monday I will start eating healthy'. Monday would come and go, and guess who was still stopping at McDonald's for a sausage McMuffin before work, and eating pizza on Friday nights 'just because'. No. If I could reach back in time and actually slap myself across the face, I totally would. My thought process was just SO DUMB.

When I finally admitted to myself, back in March, that I was "FAT" and needed to lose weight - I knew the ONLY way that I would actually commit and stick to this whole weight-loss thing was if I posted it publicly on my blog, on facebook, on twitter, on instagram, etc etc etc. I can't stand the thought of letting people down, or disappointing anyone - so I knew that if I put myself out there, I couldn't turn back. My blog, my friends, my family, my co-workers, random strangers - all of you people have held me accountable everyday.
Especially on days that I feel like quitting.


My alarm telling me to go run.

I love the idea of working out in the morning, but I've honestly only been able to do it a handful of times. I have terrible sleep patterns, and I suffer from insomnia - so most mornings when my alarm goes off at 4:30am to go for a run or work-out, I shut it off and just get up at 5:30/5:45 to get ready for work. One of my fabulous friends, Sami, was planning on getting up early for a work-out yesterday morning, and I mentioned to her that I really wanted to get up and work-out too. Sami made sure to text me and tell me to get my butt out of bed and get moving. Homegirl completely held me accountable, and because I didn't want to let her down - I did it. That extra little bit of added pressure from not wanting to let someone down really helps to motivate me to get going.


Let me just tell you, she totally laid on the guilt - and it worked. I got up after that last text.

If you find that you're wanting to lose weight - whether it be through: clean eating, exercise, or a combination of both; but you can't seem to commit... I suggest finding somebody who can hold you accountable. I promise you're less likely to stop at McDonald's for a Big Mac, large fries, and diet coke if you have somebody who is going to ask what you had for lunch. Unless you're really good at lying and hiding the truth, in which case - HI, THAT WAS ME FOR 5 YEARS!! I'm the master of lying about food, hiding food, and not letting you find out anything that I don't want you to know. But that will be a whole different blog post on it's own.

If you're struggling with this aspect of the weight-loss process and don't have anyone to hold you accountable, please feel free to reach out to me. I will do my best to hold you accountable on a daily, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis. Just remember, changes don't happen overnight. It's a battle, it's a fight, and I promise you that every calorie you burn, and every pizza that you give up is 100% worth it.


Left - July 2012 || Right - September 2013

Obviously those tight fighting work-out pants do WONDERFUL things for my legs and butt, and they make me look like 'OMG I HAVE A NICE BUTT'. Butt (ha, see what I did there?) you get the point.

Queen of Food Prep

Happy Hump Day!

I've had a lot of requests through instagram, Facebook, and the blog, the past few days regarding food prep. Amanda and I are basically the Queens of Food Prep. I'm not trying to boost our egos, or sound like we're full of ourselves but food prep is something that we do really well. Every Sunday, we know that we need to go grocery shopping, in the morning and spend an hour or two: cutting, cooking, bbqing, baking, and prepping food.

I'm not going to lie, there are days where neither of us want to cook but we force each other to do it and crank it out as quickly as possible. We know our duties and we know what we each do well and we stick to it. We have a routine of sorts, and this helps us to move quickly and crank out meals for the entire week in the shortest amount of time as possible.


We are both firm believers that if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.

If I don't spend an hour of two getting everything ready on Sunday, I will eat like crap all week and my weight-loss and my bank account will suffer because of it. I know myself, and I know that if I don't have my lunches ready for the week, then I won't eat healthy. I'll buy lunch everyday and it won't be good.
Obviously everyone is different, and if you're able to make your lunch fresh every morning, I admire you. I simply cannot.

I never get sick of omelet's. They are hands-down my GO-TO meal.

We switch up our meals every week - but we have a few 'staple' items that we always have prepped and ready to go in the fridge:

• Lean ground turkey
This is a must have in our fridge. We go through about 2lbs of turkey per week in our house. Seriously. I can't get enough of this stuff.
Amanda and I use it for omelets, salads, stir-fry, or just eating it on it's own as delicious lean protein.
For prepping it, I keep it pretty basic. I cook it on the stove top, in a frying pan, with coconut oil. After the turkey is almost cooked all the way through - still a bit pink - I drain it in the sink (with a cullender), and get rid of any excess fat and liquid that's cooking with the turkey. I throw it back in the frying pan and finish cooking it. This is when I add all of my favorite spices. Add whatever you like and then store it in a sealed container. Should be good for up to 5 days - if it lasts that long in your house.


• Turkey Bacon
I think we buy Lilydale - I don't remember. It's low in sodium, and low in calories. Read the label before you buy turkey bacon - they're not all healthy. Always be aware of how many calories, grams of fat, and mg of sodium you're consuming in 1 or 2 pieces of turkey bacon.


• Sliced Bell Peppers
I could eat bell peppers everyday (literally) and never get sick of them. I always have a container or two of sliced bell peppers washed and ready to go at all times.

Apart from the 'regulars' listed above, we prep quite a bit of other foods. We wash, cut, and package fruits. Wash, cut, and prep any other raw veggies we're having that week. Amanda usually bakes squash, and we prepare salads for the first day or two of the week.

Most weeks we BBQ chicken breasts to have available in the fridge (for the same purpose as the ground turkey). We will use it in a stir-fry, eat it on it's own, put it in a salad, or eat it with veggies. This week I'm eating my chicken with spaghetti squash. Speaking of spaghetti squash, I'm pretty sure that deserves an entire post of it's own.. but I'll leave that for another day.

Here is a list of what we cooked/prepped this past Sunday and what is currently in our fridge for lunches and dinners this week:

Spaghetti Squash
Veggie Spaghetti Sauce
Lean Ground Beef Meatballs (baked with cilantro, green onion, and spices)
BBQ Chicken Breasts
Spicy Baked Cauliflower & Sweet Potato
Turkey Bacon
Sliced Peppers
Lean Ground Turkey
Kale, Broccoli, Walnut, and Apple Salad
Hard Boiled Eggs

As you can tell, we're big on protein...
Some other meat that we eat often: fish (tilapia, salmon), pork, and lamb.




Fish tacos from last week: tilapia, salsa, avocado, hummus, peppers, lettuce (instead of tortilla).

In addition to the food that requires food prep, here are the other foods in our fridge that don't require any prep work:

Eggs
Spinach
Goat Cheese
Almond Milk
Hummus
Salsa
Strawberries
Raspberries
Blueberries
Watermelon
Avocados
Bananas

This is basically all that I can think of. I will try and do some recipe posts for some of our favorite Go-To healthy meals.

Top (Left - Right)
one. typical breakfast - Ryvita crackers with natural peanut butter and some kind of fruit - blueberries, bananas, raspberries, or strawberries.
two. a huge bowl of spaghetti squash, chicken, sauce, and avocado on top - with a ryvita cracker on the side to dip in the sauce.
three. a whole bell pepper, ryvita crackers with goat chesse, and BBQ'd tilapia on top.

Bottom (Left - Right)
four. whole bell pepper, grilled lean pork, hummus, and banana for dessert.
five. bell pepper, onion, zucchini, spinach, and green onion stir fry - topped with avocado and a piece of BBQ'd tilapia.
six. omelet (spinach, goat cheese, turkey, and turkey bacon), topped with avocado, bell peppers, hummus, cracked pepper, and sriracha.

FYI - Everything that we cook is completely made up by us. We do not follow recipes, and we are often creating new dishes. I will do my best to answer questions about cooking or food prep but I am not a chef. With that being said, please feel free to ask me anything that you want to know about the types of food I'm eating every week, what my lunches look like, what my dinners look like, etc.



Finally...
A HUUUUGE Happy Birthday to the Princess of Shenanigans.
Sami, I'm so happy to be able to call you a friend! If i wasn't on this whole 'clean eating' kick, I'd have a drink (or five) and a big piece of cake for you... but since I can't have it for you, I really really hope that you will allow yourself to indulge today. I hope you have the most amazing birthday, and I hope that 24 is amazing to you - you deserve every bit of it. Love you!

If I'm Walking Funny, Blame It On The Pizza

HAPPY HUMP DAY, FRIENDS
Whoa, sorry I yelled at you. I was excited.


{ Source }

The title says it all. Honestly, it does. It wasn't a typo or anything.

If I'm walking funny, blame it on the pizza.

Now I'm sure you're wondering What the eff does this mean? Well, well, well... let me enlighten you.

As some of you may or may not remember, I made a decision a little while ago to lose weight. I put myself out there and shared my Vulnerable Truth with the world.

I can assure you all that I have been staying true to my promise/vow that I would lose weight. I workout 4-5x per week and I'm feeling much better. I'm feeling stronger, a bit more confident in my body and my abilities to do things. I'm doing my best to eat as 'Clean' as possible. I have cut out alcohol completely (since May 1st), I've cut out bread/bagels (except for the two times I had Subway), and my daily snacks consist of: fruit, veggies, or nuts.

However, as good as I want to be, I still relapse or have really ridiculous cravings. This particular craving, for pizza, started about 2-3 weeks. It was just a thought that popped in my head on day,'mmmm pizza sounds good right now', and it hasn't left my head since. Normally if I get a craving, or have some kind of urge to eat something really bad, I will just go ahead and push it out of my head, have a small bite, or just chug some H2O and pray that my brain will start craving veggies (maybe one of these days). But nope. Not this time. My brain will not shut off the 'I want pizza, I want pizza, I WANT PIZZA' thoughts. It's rude, actually.

On Monday night, I finally had enough. During my workout, I managed to do 200 squats.. so I did 50 more, hoping to get rid of the pizza thoughts. 50 squats later, I'm craving pizza even more than before. So after grumbling about it for five minutes, I decide to give myself a challenge/goal/deal/bet/whatever the heck you want to call it.
If I do 1,000 squats by Friday - I can have pizza.
Boom. And just like that, challenge accepted.


Chicken, and green peppers, and goat cheese - oh my!

I know what you're thinking - squats will NOT compensate for the calories in the pizza that I will consume. You're totally right, and I know that. However, squats are good for you, and if I'm going to cave and have pizza anyway - I might as well do something slightly beneficial to my health in the process. Right? Am I crazy for thinking this way? Probably...
So far, I'm more than halfway to my goal - 550/1,000 squats completed. I'm not walking funny.. yet, and I'm actually feeling great, so far. In case you were wondering, I am determined to do this. Also, when the heck did I become this person? haha I don't even know who I am anymore. Whatever, come hell or high water (or 1,000 squats) I WILL have pizza on Friday night. Yes, yes I will.

Is it Friday yet? Dang it.

p.s. who in the world actually writes an entire post about pizza... and squats?

The Vulnerable Truth

Happy Thursday my loves.
Today I'm going to get real with y'all...
Last time I was this real was when I did The Ugly Truth post.

This post has been sitting on blogger as a 'draft' for quite some time because I didn't want to post it. Heck, a huge part of me still doesn't want to post it - but it's time to be honest with myself (and apparently the whole interwebz, no big deal). I'm going to warn you now, this is going to be long.
Okay, so here we go.

I'm fat.

Okay, so that wasn't as hard to say as I had expected - phew.

Here's the thing, I have been overweight my ENTIRE life. I was raised in a house where food was cooked with 'love' (butter, fatty oils, etc). Lots and lots of love. My parents changed the foods we ate when I was 16 and we started eating much healthier versions of the fatty foods we has previously consumed on a daily basis. Goodbye white bread, hello whole wheat bread. Goodbye ground beef, hello extra lean ground beef (or chicken, or turkey).

I had never really considered dieting until I was 19-20, which is when I told myself I'd 'start on Monday' every friggin' week. Seriously, I would tell myself every week that it would be my last week of eating fast food, or sitting on my ass butt at home, being lazy. 'Next week is the start of a whole new me' I'd tell myself, ALL of the time. I tried not to vocalize this to anyone because it made it easier when Monday rolled around and I decided I wanted to eat fast food for lunch. Now as much as I'd love to push the blame off on anyone else for why I became so fat, I really have NOBODY to blame but myself. I know this. Don't worry mom, I'm not blaming you!

I came from a family where everyone was big, so I felt okay with who I was. I was raised in a house with so much love. The amount of love, affection, and protection that my Mom & Dad have for my brother and I is like nothing I've ever seen. I was taught (from a young age) to love myself, so I did. So what if I was 25, 50, or even 100 lbs heavier than my classmates or my friends? If it didn't matter to my friends or family, it didn't matter to me - and that was that. Yes, I got bullied. I've been called every name that you can possibly imagine and I quickly adapted to the mentality of 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me'. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it didn't hurt, because it did. I'm also not going to sit here and tell you that I even attempted to do anything about it, because I didn't. By the time I realized that I really should lose weight, I had TWO DECADES of bad habits under my belt.


This was me, through and through. I wanted it... but not badly enough to DO anything about it.

Instead of taking care of myself and changing my lifestyle when I was 20 years old (like I obviously should have done), I started eating more. I guess you could say I was an emotional eater. I would typically eat when I was bored - not when I was sad, angry, etc. Boredom is what caused me to eat. How absolutely ridiculous is that? Who eats out of BOREDOM?! The worst part is that I didn't even care what I was consuming. I would eat anything and everything, it really didn't matter to me. Instead of my weight going down, it just kept going up, and up, and up until I officially hit my heaviest weight at the age of 21. I can't believe I'm about to post this publicly, but this was me on my 21st birthday. Woof.



When I think about where I was at this point in my life - I was just sad. On the outside I was happy, and I've always been the 'funny girl', but inside - a large part of me felt numb. So numb, and so bored... so I ate. I ate, and ate, and ate. I didn't even like food - I actually hated food, but that didn't stop me from eating it. I'm pretty sure it made me eat even more. When I think about it, it makes me sad that I couldn't see what I was doing to myself - but as they say:
Ignorance is BLISS.

Just after my 22nd birthday, my best friend (Amanda) and I decided that we wanted to flip our worlds upside down and move across the country. We literally changed EVERYTHING that we knew about our lives, packed up and moved 6,000km away to the other side of the world country. Everything that was familiar to me was gone in an instant. When I got to Vancouver I didn't have a car (or anyone to drive me anywhere), or a job. This meant I needed to walk or take the bus anywhere I wanted to go. This was new to me - when I lived at home I drove everywhere. I worked a 20 minute walk from my house for FIVE YEARS but drove to work every day. The comfort of a car (or having someone drive me anywhere) was gone.

I was no longer living with my parents, which meant that I was now cooking every meal for myself - every day. Instead of my mom doing the grocery shopping and constantly having a supply of my favorite foods on hand whenever I wanted, I actually needed to go shopping and buy this stuff for myself. The catch was that I had to go grocery shopping with Amanda, my best friend - the health nut. Obviously I couldn't exactly buy a bag of chips, frozen food, or cookies in front of her - so I bought healthy food. After a few months of buying healthy food to show her that I'm not always such a fat ass, these habits actually started to stick. I started loving a lot of these healthier foods, and found myself no longer drawn to the unhealthy crap that I had become so accustomed to eating. Also, since moving to Vancouver - I discovered that I'm lactose intolerant. There was a 3 month period of time where I was literally sick to my stomach every day and thought it was 'normal'. Nope, not normal. It just so 'happened' that I had lactose intolerance...

So, this new lifestyle (actually walking places and eating healthier food) helped me lose a good chunk of weight in the past two years, since moving here! I don't know what my weight was when I moved here, and I don't know what my weight is now, but I feel better and I look better. Here is a side by side comparison of where I was, and where I am now:



I'm happy to say that I've managed to drop between 3-4 pant sizes since moving to Vancouver, and that's only from changing my lifestyle. I can assure you that I definitely have not been 'trying' to lose weight. I was just a wisher, dreamer, and insanely hopeful that the weight would 'fall off'.
Don't worry guys - I'm no longer in denial.


This is where I am today, friends.
I'm not longer wishing or dreaming to be healthy. I'm doing it.

Obviously, I'm still a big girl. I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but that's what this post is all about.
I need to make this public. So here we go:

Dear friends, family, WORLD;
I promise that the girl on the left (comparison photo) will NEVER be back, and the girl on the right will soon be gone. I promise to work towards the goals that I'm setting for myself, and I'm prepared to work for every pound that I need to lose. I don't want to be 'skinny', I just want to be healthy. I will fall off the tracks sometimes and have 'cheat days', but I promise that 'cheat days' won't turn into 'cheat weeks' or 'cheat months'. I promise that the blood, sweat, and tears will be worth it, and I promise that I won't let any of you down.
All my love,
Faith