Canadian Shenanigans

I'm late to the party today, but Happy Canada Day everyone!
I steered clear of the interwebz for the weekend because I was off playing and partaking in some fun shenanigans.



None of this weekends activities are part of my 'healthy lifestyle', and I definitely had 3 or 4 (alcoholic) drinks and a few cheat meals. But, I'm not going to be hard on myself about it and I just have to get back into the swing of things now.
Also, let me just start by saying that I'd like every weekend to be a 3-day weekend. They're so much more fun than 2-day weekends. Someone work on changing this ASAP. kthx.





Some Highlights from the weekend:

Road trip to Seattle.
Experiencing (a bit) of Seattle pride.
Chilling out max, and relaxing all cool.
Cheat meals. Glorious, glorious cheat meals.
Spending quality time with my friends, and some of my most favorite people.
Canada Day shenanigans.

p.s. I'm probably going to be lame and not post tomorrow (Tuesday). But I'll be back for Hump Day, I promise!

how to look like a lightweight

They say you surround yourself with similar people. That statement has never been truer.

I was going to share another one of my clumsy stories today, but it turns out that Ashley was having her own special moment on the other side of the country. She texted me this story last night, and I felt like it needed to be shared. Ashley, homegirl, the weekend is here. Calm down. You know what they say...

The Eager Beaver doesn't always get the wood.
Edit: When proof-reading this, I realized how bad this sounded. Oops.



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So I just experienced the most amazing burrito at Habenaros in Dartmouth. To my surprise I notice they serve alcohol. This doesn't seem like a restaurant, it's more like a mix of fast food and a restaurant. Regardless, my weekend just started a day early and the Smirnoff Ice chilling in the fridge looked amazing.



Ordered it. Obviously.

As I sat there drinking, I started to wonder if people ever get sloshed at this 'restaurant'. Do they drive home? Will they take your keys from you? Do they even have a liquor license?
I finished my burrito and half of my drink, and got ready to throw out my garbage. I jumped down, off of the massive stool, and TRIPPED on my dumb sandal in the process. I tried to compensate by blaming the chair and pushing it away violently. Which, in hindsight, probably made it look worse than it could have been.
Was I about to have my keys taken away? I panicked. Does everyone think I'm a lightweight?
Obviously I left as quickly as possible. Luckily, I think, no one saw or at least they pretended not to.

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Normally whenever I hear a Lady Gaga song, I have a similar reaction to this:





But Ashley told me yesterday that she had Poker Face stuck in her head, so then it got stuck in MY head. Jerk.
So I guess that's how we're going to #backthatazzup with Whitney right now.

Sometimes we all fall through decks, amirite?

Oh hi there, blog.
Sorry that I didn't show up to the party yesterday, but I voted for going out with friends on Tuesday night instead of writing a blog. Lame, I know.

If you read my blog title, you might be wondering WTF I'm talking about, so lets just get straight to the point.



This one time, I fell through a deck. I'd like to think that it doesn't have anything to do with my weight - because I was a lot younger and smaller when this happened... but I'm sure that my weight probably played a slight factor.

The year was probably 1997, and our parents forced us to go visit friends of theirs one evening. I think that Christian and I lasted a whole five minutes of boring adult conversations. Once we hit our 'max' limit of boring intake, we were bouncing off the walls trying to entertain ourselves. Mom and dad were less than impressed and banished us to the great outdoors.

The owners of the house felt slightly bad for us (I think) so they told us we could go hang out on their back deck. We went outside and did what we were best at - making up random games. We found this spot over in the corner of the deck that was 'softer' than the rest of the deck... of course this piqued our interest. We couldn't leave this spot alone, even if we tried - and we didn't try. We each took turns poking and prodding this spot. Christian took the first shot at lightly putting some weight on the spot and we noticed that it was 'bouncy' like a trampoline. I'm sure you can tell where this is going. We took turns playing with this soft spot (no idea WTF is wrong with us).

After bouncing up and down on the spot for 10 minutes...

I fell through.


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Now to paint this picture, hopefully as well as Bob Ross, for all of you: this deck was probably 10-15 feet in the air, which is basically 30,000 feet when you're 9. I didn't fall all the way through and hit the ground, which probably would have been better. No, I fell and got stuck. Queue the extreme panic from both Christian and I. For a fleeting moment, we thought that Christian could casually pull me out of the hole and we could pretend like the massive gaping hole was always there. Ha. Such naive children.

After one or two pathetic attempts to try and pull me free, I start to PANIC. Like 'OMGZZZ I'M STUCK' kind of freak out. I screamed for mom and dad and Christian ran inside to grab them. They came running outside, along with the owners of the house, to find me casually chilling in the new hole that I had created.


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This was the look on mom's face when she saw me stuck in the hole.

I vaguely remember dad wanting to laugh but keeping a stern look on his face the entire time. I'm pretty sure that mom and dad have never been so embarrassed in their entire lives. How do you apologize to someone after your daughter falls through their deck? After I saw "the look" from my parents, I thought I was going to be in the biggest trouble of my entire life, so I handled the situation with such grace, as 9 year olds typically do. I laid on the waterworks and tried to make the homeowners feel bad for letting me fall through their totally unsafe deck.
I was a jerk, I know.

At the end of the day, they got me out of the hole. I hung my head in shame and my parents took us home.
I still, to this day, feel terrible that I ruined their deck. But, I can proudly say that it had been 16 solid years without a deck incident. Here's to hoping that I make it another 16 years...

How to write a post in 3 minutes and 25 seconds

Today, I'm stealing a chapter out of Staci's book blog. If you're unfamiliar with Staci's hilarious blog, I'm referencing this post: Middle School Staci.

A few weeks ago when I was putting together my Father's Day post, I had to log-in to my old Livejournal account to search for pictures. This led to me perusing old entries for probably two or three hours. Amanda and I laughed at every stupid entry I ever wrote, and died when we saw the pictures.

Amanda, I apologize for posting these horrible pictures... just know that you're 100x prettier now.

I'm going to share an entry that 16 year-old Faith wrote, and literally post it word-for-word. But don't worry, I will add my comments throughout the entry.

Seriously, don't judge me too harshly.. I was 16. Never mind, judge away - 16 year-old Faith was an idiot.
Side note: This is the exact format of my post. I'm not changing a thing.


Everyone, meet Faith. I hope you like her super awesome crimped hair.

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Alright, well this will just be a quick update, that I will type in about 3 minutes and 25 seconds.. okay here i go..
Ready.. Set.. GO !!

Wow Faith, 3 minutes and 25 seconds? You're a super fast writer, and this makes you SUPER cool.

Okay, so the past week, has been totally crazy insane, basically because one of my teachers (Cooper - I have him for Two Classes.. Pre-cal, and Chemistry) decided to have a test next week, in BOTH of those damn classes, ugh !! So I've been trying to learn everything that I don't understand and manage a way to do my homework for each of those classes every night, then yesterday he gave us an assignment, in BOTH classes, yet again that are both due Monday, and my Chem test is Tuesday, Pre-Cal test on Thursday..
kill me now ;\

Super cool emoticon face, Faith. Also, I love your use of run-on sentences. You really know how to articulate your frustration...

Then my bio teacher.. Burgess.. gave us a 2000 word essay due for him in like two weeks, and he gave us this whole massive lab on Thursday, and that's due.. guess when.. just guess ?? MONDAY for eff sakes.. I wish teachers would lay off the MONDAY STUFF. ugh !! So I've got to write that whole thing, then type it up and make sure it meets the qualifications. Meanwhile I have homework every night, and I worked Tuesday night, and last night - and omg last night was SO BUSY at work, drove me nuts, and I had to work an hour overtime, which I possibly won't get paid for .. lovely, eh?

Faith, why are you soooooooo dramatic? Seriously? A sentence that runs on for three whole lines? You think this is acceptable because you 'strategically' place commas throughout the sentence? Homegirl, it's not working. Lay off the sauce.
I'm not sure how you managed to get 98% as your final mark in English.

I also work tomorrow 12-8pm, and on sunday 10-4.. like omg, when in the hell am I supposed to do my two assignments, my lab, and study? I work 14 damn hours of my weekend, that leaves me with 4-midnight on sunday to do EVERYTHING.

Maybe, just maybe, and call me crazy if I'm wrong... but you should just GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND DO YOUR ASSIGNMENTS RIGHT NOW.
This ain't rocket science. Just saying.

So there you have it - this is why I'm Stressing HARDCORE. SO before I shoot myself I need to just relax, which is why I'm going out in 11 minutes with the girls, and we're going to go to the movies, because God knows I need a massive BREATHER.

Okay, so let me get this straight. You go on, and on, and onnnn about how stressed you are from all of this work that you need to do. But, for SOME REASON you think it's a good idea to go to the movies with your friends because 'God knows you need a massive breather'?
Where are your lady-balls, Faith? Man the eff up and get your crap done. You'll be pleased to know that this 'whiny-ness' is just a phase. I think.

-sigh- okay, there you have it.. my busy life
Bet you 5 bucks, you're glad you're not me right now

Actually, I bet you $5,000 that I never want to be 16 again...

and okay I lied.. I went over my three minutes and 25 seconds, this took my 4 minutes and 55 seconds, I suck =(

*GASP* Faith, you are the worst.
FOUR MINUTES AND 55 SECONDS? You are a disgrace and you shouldn't have even bothered hitting publish on this post.

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There you have it, 16 year old Faith. She is quite delightful. Amanda and I laughed at how complete stupid she was.
But hey, at least she was A LOT nicer than 14 year old Faith, and 15 year old Faith. Just take my word for it...
They were jerks.

Since I'm sure you're all dying to see some pictures of teenage Faith, I won't delay the amazingness any longer.


I probably loved this vest more than I'll love my future husband. I stole it from my friends dad and kept it for years. I partied with this vest, took it camping, took it on road trips, and it's actually still at my parents house. So many good memories with this stupid construction vest.


I don't even know...


See that sweet cooler in my back seat? Amanda used that as an overnight bag for sleepovers at my house.
She's a classy broad.


We're the three best friends that anyone could have...

You're welcome.
p.s. I hope you all still come back to my blog tomorrow, I promise that 24 year old Faith will be back.

Ten People You See At Weddings

Happy Monday, friends.
I feel like the weekend flew by way too fast. It's pretty rude, actually. I hope you all had a fabulous weekend, and that you're ready to get back to the grind!

My Friday consisted of having dinner and seeing Les Miserables broadway production with a few great friends. It was nothing short of amazing, and I promise that there wasn't anything 'miserable' about it. Ha, I'm punny. Okay, I'm not... but lets not go there.

On Saturday, I second-shot a wedding for Teryn Lee Photography. It was a nice day, and I ended it off by having a picnic on the beach. Sunday didn't involve anything exciting, so I won't even recap.


Itty-bitty sneak peak from Saturday's wedding. Boo to my formatting getting screwed up on the picture on the right.

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Since I shot a wedding on Saturday, and since I've shot or attended probably 20-25 weddings now, I've written a list:

Ten People You See At Weddings.

1. 'Uncle Bob' - a term that a lot of photographer's use to describe that 'uncle' at the wedding who brings his 'fancy camera' with the kits lens on it. He usually follows the photographer everywhere they go, and often steps in front of the photographers so he can get 'the shot'. I vote that Uncle Bob gets banned from taking pictures.

2. Grandma Mae - the sweet grandma that wanders around the wedding looking a little lost. She thinks everything that day is just amazing and tells stories about how this wedding is more elaborate than her modest wedding in the 1940's/1950's. Grandma Mae is hands down my favorite wedding guest.


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3. Douchebag Derek - This guy. Oh, this guy. He was probably the grooms roommate at university. He's single, and probably won't settle down until he's 42, or ever. The bride hates him, but agrees to invite him so the groom feels like he has a say in who the wedding guests are. His mission is to hook-up with one of the bridesmaids... but he will settle for anyone who is willing.
Douchebag Derek is his name for a reason.

4. Cousin Johnny - could also be 'Uncle Johnny'. Tells a lot of inappropriate jokes, makes weird/rude comments, and probably makes the flower girl cry. We don't have control over who our family members are, but cousin Johnny needs to go away.


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5. Happy-Go-Lucky Harry - he's probably one of my favorite guests. He's there to have a good time, no ifs ands or buts about it. He's outgoing and friendly and he can't wait for the dance party to start. He is the first one on the dance floor and the last one remaining. He sweats out all of the alcohol that he has consumed and I guarantee that he has a tie on his head at some point during the dance party.

6. Desperate Diana - She will probably hook-up with Douchebag Derek. She's in her late 20's or early 30's and thinks that her life is over because she's the last one of her friends who isn't married. She has a fake smile on her face all day when really.. she just wants to cry. Don't worry homegirl, you're better than hooking up with Douchebag Derek. You won't be single forever. Or maybe you will, I don't know you.. so maybe you'll be a crazy cat lady who never gets married. I just don't know.


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7. Judgmental Judy - she's the one who walks around the venue, judging the flowers, small details, and even table linens. She feels as though she's a wedding pro because she has attended eleventy billion weddings. She knows her shit - and you can bet that she's judging all of your little details.

8. Whiny Wendy - this girl complains about anything and everything. The ceremony starts 5 minutes late? She's complaining about it. Food isn't being served yet? Whine whine whine. DJ isn't playing her favorite song? It's all she's talking about. You just can't please everyone, but Whiny Wendy takes this to a whole new level.


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9. Lush Lucy/Lukey - okay, just call him Luke, I call him Lukey as a pet-name. Anyway, both Lucy and Luke come to the wedding for one reason, and one reason only: OPEN BAR. Yes, they're probably happy that 'X' is marrying 'Y'.. But really, they are there for the party and free booze. Typically they have a few pre cocktail party cocktails just to get the party started. You'll see them constantly with a drink in their hand, usually while they're in line at the bar for their next drink. Don't worry, Lucy and Luke are usually the life of the party - they're fun guests to have.

10. Toasting Timmy - the one who grabs the mic whenever possible and gives as many toasts/cheers as possible throughout the entire reception. He thinks he's the back-up MC, and should probably sit as far away from the podium as possible. At least his toasts get more and more entertaining as the night goes on. My favorite toast I've heard yet:
"I was told that this toast should last as long as it takes the groom to make love to the bride tonight.
So I'll end this here. Thanks for having me."


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What do you think? Are there any other wedding guests I've forgotten?

Disclaimer: This list isn't meant to offend anyone by any means, these are just the type of people that I have come across.
Also, I am not saying that all of these people were at the wedding this weekend.