Captain America, Pirates, and Jesus

So last night I was browsing the interwebz for a while - searching through mugshots. No, seriously.
I'm not going to name any names, but a friend wanted help trying to see if someone has been arrested and if they were/are currently on parole. During my search I came across some truly interesting mugshots, and I was encouraged to share some of this hilariousness... so here we go.


If I was a police officer, this is the EXACT way that I would make my grand entrance when busting someone.

Friendly Reminder: If you are arrested, your mugshot is able to be viewed by the public. There are public records, your picture is posted online, and if your mugshot is amusing - it could end up on a blog.
So don't do dumb shit don't get caught.

Captain Amurrrica


This guy is my favorite. This one is just too good. He was arrested for allegedly distributing Xanax on July 4th. At least homeboy is patriotic, I'll give him that.



Captain Jack Sparrow Meth


He's a pirate. Well, at least he thinks he's a pirate. He has fully committed to this lifestyle with those tattoos, so at least he is passionate about something. Unfortunately, he was also really passionate about meth.



Kangaroo Jack


He looks really creepy - but this poor guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was kind enough to return a lost driver's license that he had found, only to be promptly arrested for being in possession of a pipe used for smoking marijuana. Karma just wasn't on his side, at least he has a kangaroo on his face to cheer him up. I'd also like to point out that he's possibly naked under the vest (which just so happens to be the same color as his skin).



"Pep" the dog


This is real life. This poor dog, Pep, was arrested. Why? You ask. Well, it seems like Pep got a little hungry and ate the governor's wife's cherished cat. I'm not kidding you in the slightest bit right now. Pep served a life sentence without parole.



Jesus 'James' Christ


At first glance, you might think that this is an 'accurate depiction' of Jesus, to clarify - you'd be right. Apparently 'James' was arrested for impersonating Jesus. No James, you are Jesus... I'm convinced. Someone left a comment on this arrest post saying 'What if this really is Jesus? What if the first time we crucified and killed him and this time we arrested him?' Touche random concerned citizen, lets just hope that James is really just James, and not in fact Jesus. However, if I'm wrong and the man arrested is, in fact, Jesus... well I guess I'm sorry Jesus. I think I just said Jesus 10x. Jesus.

To summarize - if you get arrested, I will find your mugshot, and if you look crazy, I'll probably make fun of you. Again, don't do dumb shit DON'T GET CAUGHT.

Aracnophobia Anyone?

Warning: post contains foul language, and a creepy eight-legged freak.

Happy hump day, friends.

It's story time. Now before you get all excited thinking that my pants fell down while running for the bus, again... it's not that kind of story. No, this story is a very true, and very creepy story. The kind where you might not like me anymore if you keep reading. So, if you're not interested in reading about last weeks spider incident - leave now. If you stay, don't say I didn't warn you. Seriously.

So last Friday, while getting ready for work before 6:00am, I got out of the shower and headed into my bedroom to start getting ready for work. I turned my light on, closed my door, and BAM. There he was. That douchebag just sat there, sitting by my door, staring at me and taunting me with his over abundance of legs. WHY DO SPIDERS NEED EIGHT LEGS? Humans survive with two legs... do they really need 4x the normal amount? No. The answer is no.

Okay, so I see the spider, and panic. Normally I have no problem catching a spider with a glass and taking it outside to set it free, or flush it down the toilet - whatever method I find appropriate at the time. But not this time. No no no, this time I wasn't staring at a spider, I was staring at a small dog. Seriously though, look at this beast.




That's a loonie aka a Canadian $1 coin for any of you American readers.

Not one single part of this is okay. So I formed my tactical plan, i.e. slowly opening the door (so I don't scare him and have him run into my closet), running to the kitchen to grab a glass and running back to trap him. Slight problem was that I underestimated his size and my glass was NOT big enough. Not to mention the fact that I was so stunned that I stood there staring at him for probably 5 minutes before I heard my roommate open her bedroom door. I then proceeded to force her to trap him because I just couldn't do it. We had to use a yogurt container because he was TOO BIG to trap inside of a glass. So then I did what any normal person would do... I let him sit there, all day, so he could think about what he had done. In hindsight, I honestly feel bad for leaving him all day - but I just could NOT handle that at 6:00am...

When I came home, I turned to Facebook and texting a few 'men' I know to see if anyone would save me. Nope.
So I went upstairs to see if my landlord or his son were home. Nope.
Poor Juliette, Allie, and Sami had to have the play-by-play of this entire debacle, and they were getting live pictures and videos. Yeah, sorry guys. Not to mention that one of Juliette's biggest fears are spiders.



Anyway... I did what any normal person blogger would do. I took pictures of him, I took pictures WITH him, and then I videotaped my mission to get rid of him. Side-note: I've decided that nobody (except the few people I sent them to) ever needs to see these videos. I screamed like a girl, watched the spider dance, and then almost had an anxiety attack.

All of the spider GIF's that I made were so creepy and terrifying, so I put a filter on this bad boy and made it look like a dance party. This is definitely the weirdest GIF you will see on the interwebz today, and possibly ever.. I'm sorry for that.

Since I said I took pictures with it, I figured I should show you that too...

Now I'm done with the spider. Forever.

5 selfies you should have on your phone

Oh hey, Tuesday.
I'm not going to lie, I was pretty stoked to not have to work yesterday. Thank you Canada for an extra holiday weekend. Sorry to all of you Americans who worked yesterday. But today is my 'Monday' so don't feel too mad.

So last night I was preparing a post (which I I will share later this week) and got distracted by the selfies that I saw uploading from my phone to my computer. Fun fact: I'm guilty of taking super cool selfies. Seriously, I can't even.
So just sit back, relax, and take note of these 5 trendy seflies poses.

Warning: This post contains so much cool, it hurts. Just call me Cool Ethan.
If anyone actually knows what movie Cool Ethan is from, you are my new best friend.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Here are 5 Selfies you should have on your phone.



ONE. Duck face. Everybody HATES this face, but people keep doing it. I mean, only some people - like me - can pull it off. I'm pretty sure I nailed it.

TWO. Model. Everybody loves to strike their best model pose. I mean, purse those lips and smize, girl, smize. I'm pretty sure Tyra Banks would love this. Sierra and I should teach a modelling 101 class.



THREE. Token mirror shot. I'm pretty sure if you don't have a picture in the mirror, you're not cool. Some people take pictures in the bathroom - some in a dressing room, I opt for my super little and super dusty mirror that sits on my desk. This is the new trend, you're welcome. Just kidding, but seriously.

Some people take mirror shots like this [left], but I like my way [right].



FOUR. Look at my pet! Everyone posts pictures with their animals - dog, cats, even bunny rabbits. Since Roscoe refuses to take a nice picture with me, I took pictures with my other pet. I mean look at that thing, it's big enough to be a small dog. Eww, gross. Mr. Spider is gone now, so it's all good.

This is as close as I've gotten to getting a picture with Roscoe [left], so I settled for this.. [right].



FIVE. Cute-Funny face. Every girl needs to have a 'funny face' picture. It shows your fun and cute side. I'm clearly really good at making myself look cute.



*disclaimer: this entire post was a joke. if you couldn't tell that, then I'm sorry but you suck at sarcasm. I'll be the first to admit that I take too many selfies. So I'm pretty sure that I should create a Match.com profile and use all of these pictures, right now. Yep.
See you all tomorrow.

Vacation Shenanigans

Happy Monday (said no-one, ever).
It's a holiday in Canada today, so I'm going to enjoy this Monday a little more than normal. I might actually still be sleeping when you read this. My bad.
As usual, I'm linking up with the lovely Sami.



This time I'm doing something a little different. Instead of showing you all what I did this weekend - I'm going to show you all what my vacation (from a week ago, oops) looked like. Bring on the vacation shenanigans, they're my favourite.


One. Not being able to sleep on a red-eye flight = this face.
Two. Almost home.
Three. Re-united with two of my favorite guys.
Four - Six. I forgot how humid it gets in Nova Scotia. Mandatory pool time to cool off. Pool-side selfies with Jennifer and Ashley.
Seven. We're really really pretty. Also, love that frizzy humid-hair.
Eight. I was forced to sweep up the floor because I knocked the garbage bag over. Oops.
Nine. Love these kids.


One. A lot of kids on one couch.
Two. Road-trip to the valley.
Three. Delicious delicious ice cream. So good.
Four. My neck hurts just looking at this one. It's so awkward, I had to share.
Five. I tried to eat healthy if/when I could.
Six. Yep. This happened.
Seven-Nine. Selfies, selfies, selfies.


One. It's so hard to relax next to the hideous place.
Two. The humidity got to him.
Three. Nothing but fields out here.
Four-Six Selfies everyday. Also, I can't have straight hair in Nova Scotia.
Seven. Ashley and I had a Rummy-Cube marathon.
Eight. Bonfires are always perfect on a nice summer night.
Nine. Oh hey, puddle.


One. Why wouldn't I take a picture of sheep? They're cute and fluffy.
Two. Selfies in the washroom.
Three. Fire selfies.
Four. We might have done beer shots. Ha.
Five. I may have made Ashley chug wine.
Six. mmmm beer.
Seven. Typical.
Eight. My brother was cold..
Nine. Ashley and I struggle.


One. Ashley doesn't want to play games with me anymore.
Two. No truer words have ever been spoken.
Three. Always say yes to a Photo-Booth.
Four. Funny story about these cows - they were kind of humping. They stopped and stared when I tried to take a picture. Weird thing is that they're both female.
Five. New phone case from my cousin. Pretty princess case.
Six. Pistachio cake. It's one of the most delicious things in the world. Thanks Sierra for baking this.
Seven. How do you turn down tacos?
Eight. I don't even know. But look at that sweet 'humid hair'. I was so over it.
Nine. Rolling Rock beer.

This is hands down my favorite collage, ever. Sierra is basically my soulmate. Here is the proof:



My parents and I had to kill some time at the airport while we waited for my flight to take off. Obviously, we took some shameless selfies. It's just what happens.


One-Three. My mom is just so adorable. She's so little and I just want to put her in my back pocket. Also, notice the "bunny ears" above my head in #2, and dad creeping in the background in #3... he wasn't a fan of being left out of pictures.
Four-Six. Nobody ever listens to me aka 'the photographer' about the importance of back lighting pictures, so I humored them and took a picture of us staring directly into the sun. #6 is just a massive fail.
Seven-Nine. Dad refused to take a normal picture with me. #9 is the closest to 'normal' that we got.

On my flight home, I got a little carried away with pictures. So then I did the obvious thing and took selfies. I go from the most serious look, to the most amazing SMIZE that Tyra Banks would fawn over. I mean look at dem eyez. If you ask me, I think it's missing some googly eyes, and then it transitions back to air plane pictures.



Yep, I'm ending this post with the creepy eyes picture. You're welcome.

Ay to Zed

Hi lovelies.

Last night I saw the kings of music - Jay Z and Justin Timberlake. Guys, I can't even. This concert was amazingly epic. I don't know how else to word it, but I'll do my best to put it in writing a tad better than that tomorrow. Complete with crappy concert pictures and maybe a video or two. We'll see.

Anyway, because of being out so late for last nights shenangians, I really don't have much mental capacity to handle anything else today, so I'm completely stealing this fantastic idea from Erin, Sarah, and Allie-Boo.

A: Attached or Single? Single 

B: Best Friend? I have a few. I'm truly blessed to be surrounded by amazing people.  

C: Cake or pie? Cake - specifically red velvet. Except for my lactose intolerance getting in the way of eating it..

D: Day of the week? Saturday.

E: Essential item? iPhone probably. By probably, I mean definitely.  

F: Favorite color? Blue.

G: Gummy bears or worms? Neither. I'm not a candy person. 

H: Hometown? Halifax, NS. 

I: Favorite indulgence? Pizza - except, again, for the lactose intolerance thing getting in the way. But we all know I'm willing to do 1,000 squats to have pizza as a cheat meal. 

J: January or July? June. I like to be different. 

K: Kids? I mean, you already know how I feel about this.

L: Life isn’t complete without? The best damn family and friends in the world (Stole Allie's answer for this one). 

M: Marriage date? At this point? Never?

N: Number of brothers/sisters? One older brother, Christian.

O: Oranges or Apples? Apples. 

P: Phobias/Fears? Earwigs. Just writing the name gave me chills. Gross gross gross gross gross. 



Q: Quotes? You can't run a marathon without putting a few band aids on your nipples.

R: Reasons to smile? You want to name just one thing? Not going to happen. I'm usually smiling about anything/everything, I'm easy to please. 

S: Season of choice? Fall. I love everything about sweaters, pumpkins, cool weather, colorful leaves, and scarves. 

T: Tag 5 People. Every single person on the planet.  

U: Unknown fact about me? I once went a period of 4-5 years without crying. My friends told me I had no soul, but it was really just because I cried out all of my tears when I was a kid - or something. 

V: Vegetable? Favorite? Bell peppers. I usually eat one every day.

W: Worst habit? Biting my nails.  

X: Xray or Ultrasound? I've never had either... so lets go with no. Just no. Neither, thanks. 

Y: Your favorite food? Pizza, hands down.  

Z: Zodiac sign? Libra. I definitely fit my sign.    

Now that we've completed the proper {Canadian} alphabet, Ay through Zed, I'd like to take a moment to wish a very Happy Birthday to my homegirl Whitney. She's a fabulous friend who I've known for what seems like a decade, going all the way back to LJ days. Today is her 26th birthday, and everyone needs to stop by her blog to wish her the happiest of days. kaythanks.